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Women are the Problem with Women

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The Feminist Stockholm Syndrome & What You Owe Me

I wasn’t necessarily angry about this.  I mean, yes, I was upset, but corporations are corporations, and I’m never surprised when they do awful things.  It is this understanding that keeps me working toward my law degree.  We need better policy and legislation.  So, other than writing a strongly worded letter, I didn’t let myself get too riled up about Isotoner firing a woman for lactating:  that is, until I started reading the comments on the story. 

Why are some women such traitors to their own gender?  Why (?) do women say things like:

• “I have absolutely no empathy for this woman”
• “Employers are not required to offer special treatment to women who choose to continue breastfeeding”
• “Reproducing doesn't make you queen of the world, no matter what you think”
• “Choose the difficult path to breast feed said offspring, should not introduce a burden upon others”
• “as a single woman without kids I get tired of being treated as if I don't exist”

Those are real quotes.  Real things said by actual women – the commentary on that story.

I hear this type of crap everywhere.  Visit the iVillage “Feminism Today” board, and you’ll see the worst of it.  When Sophie Currer, a 33 yr. old Harvard med student and mother of a 4 month old nursing daughter, requested time to pump during her medical licensing exam, she was originally told “Nope!”  That decision was overturned (thank goodness)  but you should have seen the comments from the so-called “feminists” in the meantime.  Seriously, I'm embarrassed to be one of them some times.  They said she should wait until she’s done breastfeeding to take the test, or said that it wasn’t anybody else’s fault that she got pregnant, so she should deal with the consequences, even if it meant sitting around uncomfortably engorged (and consequently getting Mastitis or an abscess). Or – and this was really the most laughably sexist of all the statements – she should wait to be a doctor until she’s done with this baby business because her breaks weren't FAIR to the MEN.

Yes. Women. Women said those things.  Here is where I sing-song my famous quote “Women are the Problem with Women.” Laa deee daaaahhhh.

So a MAN can take a med-school exam ANY time – even seconds after his child is born, but a WOMAN must wait a year or two to take her test, all because she is tied to her biology and society can’t be bothered to accommodate her condition?  I have a very, very hard time understanding how any person claiming to have a brain could say something so utterly stupid. 

But they don’t just say it.  They believe it.  They believe the patriarchies' version of “equality” and that amounts to nothing more than a truly infected case of Stockholm Syndrome.  I want to beat them over the head with expletives, but I fear the brainwashing is too ingrained and it won’t make a bit of difference.  They have suffered so many thousands of years of painful cognitive dissonance that they have wired themselves to love the patriarchies' hate for them.  It’s the only thing that takes the pain away, I suppose.  It is too hard to come out of the cave, see the light, and realize you’ve only been staring at a shadow of equality instead of the real thing.

When once upon a time women were goddesses of fertility, these new “feminists” tell us it’s our “fault” we had kids – that they shouldn’t have to bear any burden because we chose to procreate.  Oh really? 

Somebody please raise your hand and explain to me who will be paying the taxes that will sustain this country if there are no future generations?  I really want to know.  If you think you’re so smart, explain to me who's going to be wiping your ass at the nursing home, or finding a cure for your Alzheimer’s, or even driving the ambulance when you go into cardiac arrest, if there are no more people being born and taking up these jobs?  Who's going to pay the taxes into the system that gives you EMTs, and police, and transportation, and Medicaid, and Social Security?  Do you think that when you’re 80, the 80 yr old next to you is going to be doing all these things?  Obviously not.  No, it’s probably going to be a 20-something year old; a child born years and years from now - maybe a child born to my children.  So clearly children are not obsolete.  And wouldn’t you rather have healthy, happy children who were taken care of by their mothers/fathers and by society?  Wouldn’t you want the person in charge of curing your cancer to have those few extra IQ points and be in overall good health?   Well, you probably didn’t think that one through too well, did ya?

Okay, so obviously we NEED future generations, I think we can all agree there.  But you don’t want to bear them?  Okay fine, that’s your choice... but if you’re going to put the onus on the rest of us to raise the people that sustain this country – and raise them to be the healthiest they can be - the LEAST you can do is show a little respect to those who’ve taken on this enormous task.  These efforts should be subsidized, not shamed.  I’m not saying we should get a medal or anything, but in a civilized society, those who perform the services you are not willing to perform are entitled to compensation.  This is how a Republic works, don’tchaknow? 

I don’t give a crap if you don’t want kids, or you hate kids, or whatever your deal is.  But don’t you dare say you don’t “owe” me anything for having kids. On the contrary, if my offspring takes care of you when you’re older, or pays the taxes, or pumps your freaking gas, you owe me a whole lot.

Now, please pull your pretty head out of the sand and realize we're all getting screwed here - and not in the good way.

Breeding With the Enemy: My Story of Feminist Conversion

This is the story of how I went from being a decidedly childless feminist, to a Feminist Breeder, and what that change meant for my conflicted views of the Modern Woman.

I inherited my early feminist views from my non-traditional family.  I had no mom or dad around, so I was raised by grandparents, aunts, and uncles, and sometimes lived on my own for months at a time while the guardians went off to find work in other areas.  I find that horrifying these days; that a child not more than 10 yrs old could be left in another state to feed themselves and get themselves off to school in the morning, but such was my life, and it all seemed normal at the time.  This helped me develop an independence that lays a fertile soil for feminist ideology.

My maternal grandfather was the type of man who wanted his girls to be able to take care of themselves.  Though terribly physically and emotionally abusive (which I now attribute to a lifetime of undiagnosed anxiety and clinical depression), there was a part of him that treated women with far more respect and dignity than most men of his generation.  Women were complex and mysterious creatures to him, though I believe he was sometimes so intimidated he lashed out, and those were the days I got my ass kicked.  My grandmother handled everything of importance, and whatever she wanted she got.  He wanted his daughters (of which I was always considered to be one) to excel and succeed.  He taught me to change the oil in my car so I wouldn’t have to depend on a man to do it.   He tried (in his own way) to raise me with common sense and a good work ethic, so I could make my way in the world.  He raised me like a man raises his son, while still entertaining my need to be a girl sometimes.  I suppose if anyone “taught” me to be a feminist, it was him. 

There were no Stay-At-Home-Moms in my family.  The women in my family worked; not as a matter of politics or choice, but as a matter of survival.  My grandmother worked as a roofer right alongside my grandfather, every day for nearly 40 years.  She didn’t get to stay home with me, even when I would beg her.  Not working meant not eating, though there were many days I went hungry anyway.  We were poverty-stricken, a fact I did not fully realize until I became an adult.

My aunt liked to tell me that “Every woman is only one man away from welfare” – meaning don’t rely on anybody.  My aunt helped raise me when my grandparents couldn’t and she’s as Feminist as a woman can be.  Well, any woman who’s never been a mother, that is. It’s not that she didn’t want babies, she did, desperately, but she was not able conceive, and then re-married to a man who didn’t want them anyway.  She’s Pro-Choice in terms of reproductive freedom yet often refers to pregnant women as “a buncha whiners.”  She has little tolerance for anyone unlike herself, and even less tolerance for women complaining about their girly bits.  She also helped convince me during my first pregnancy that childbirth was "deadly" and “thank god” for that birth rape cesarean or I’d have ended up just like Great-Great Aunt Mable from the old black & white pictures who died during childbirth in the 1910’s.  I had never spent any time around women who discussed birth, and only knew what I saw from shows like "A Baby Story" or "Maternity Ward" so I didn't question any of this.

After the trauma of being gutted like a fish in an operating room with my arms strapped out at my side like Jesus on the cross, convulsing and throwing up all over myself while my husband watched in horror, I started to question my Aunt’s understanding of feminism and politics in general.  If being a feminist meant allowing masked Med-Pros to violate my body, I don’t know if I’m cut out for her feminism after all.

Because of my upbringing, I saw children as a punishment.  I had never seen a planned pregnancy in my family.  The children all seemed to be consequences of a loose, irresponsible woman looking for love in the wrong place.  Nine months later, a welfare case was born.  I decided very early on that I would not be one of those women.  I did not want children.  I didn’t want to be punished.  But if I there ever was a day when I wanted a child, they would be born into a stable family – into wedlock at least – unlike any other child in my family’s sordid history. 

To me, feminism meant avoiding anything and everything that was exclusive to women.  Childbirth seemed oppressive, as did my biology in general, and I wanted no part of it.  As far as I was concerned, it could all be removed and I'd be better off.

When I got accidentally pregnant, I was angry.  Angry at myself for being so stupid, and angry at my (now) husband for wanting me to keep it.  I always assumed two pink lines on pregnancy test would have me out the door to Planned Parenthood for my quickie abortion before the urine dried.  But until I was in that situation, I never could have known how I would end up handling it.

As it turns out, abortion wasn’t an option for me.   Not at that time.  Not in this relationship.  I felt that I just didn’t “qualify.”  While our circumstances at the time were less than ideal for starting a family, I wasn’t a crackhead or a scared teen either.  I had the things I felt were required for accepting the responsibility of a positive pregnancy test: a responsible mate who already asked me to marry him, a place to live, help from our family, a good head on my shoulders, and a healthy body.  And most importantly, I couldn’t do that to him.  He wanted the baby, and I knew that aborting it would kill a part of him that would never recover.  I couldn’t justify terminating a pregnancy simply because I got sloppy one night.  I had made a bed, and the grown-up thing to do was lie in it.  And the fact was, ladies and gentlemen, I wasn’t getting any younger anyway.  Every woman in my family had already finished having babies by the time she was the age I was when I got knocked up.  People in the family had actually begun to assume I was infertile.

Now, people often ask me when I “knew” I wanted to be a mother.  I always have the same answer: “At 7:27 pm, August 1st 2006 – the moment my son was born, and not a minute sooner.”  Even through those nine months of pregnancy, I wasn’t sure I was cut out for this.  I was a feminist, dammit!  I couldn’t be tied down with a child.  I had school to finish and places to travel to.  There were times during the pregnancy that I told my new husband I wanted out, and that I’d give the baby to him and his mother after it was born and they could raise it.  Why not?  That’s what my mother did with me. She wasn’t up for the motherhood stuff, so she left me on doorsteps and took off.  Why would I – should I – be any different?  Well, my mother was/is also a horrible human being and ought to have been chemically castrated before she went on to ruin three more childrens' lives – but that’s a whole other story.

Instead, on that date 3 years ago, I was transformed.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally – all of it.  The moment I heard my child cry, my brain chemistry changed, and suddenly I realized that being this person’s mother was not a punishment.  On the contrary, it was a gift I probably didn’t deserve, but I would spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it.  Though I was overjoyed by this perfect little miracle I had just produced, I felt sad and robbed that he was cut from my womb, instead of being birthed by me.  I never knew how much that would matter until it was taken from me.  I vowed that my next child would be birthed by his mother – not by a man in a mask.

I started that pregnancy thinking breastfeeding was gross.  I’d never seen it done, but it seemed like it was something white trash women did.  I was clueless.  Then I had my baby, and nurturing him from my breast seemed right.  After all, I had made this little baby in my body - it made sense for me to keep feeding him with the same body that had done such a good job making him.  Unfortunately, thanks to a cesarean and a period of separation, along with little support from my doctors, breastfeeding wasn’t successful for me with my first son.  Once I had to switch to formula feeding, I realized just how oppressive and sexist formula feeding, and formula companies, truly are.  Here you are born with two sources of perfect nutrition right there on your body, and our patriarchal society convinces you that custom-made milk isn’t good enough.  Your body isn’t good enough, and what you’re providing for your baby – without their help – isn’t good enough.  They convince you to enslave yourself (and your wallet) to the formula manufacturer - the buying, mixing, heating, and washing of bottles - all while their product undermines your health and your baby's health.  And they do all this while convincing the vast majority of women that it’s somehow liberating them.  *headshake*

Right then, my feminism changed.  That cesarean, and that formula feeding, taught me that the most feminist thing I could do for myself was to take back my body and my autonomy.  I birthed my second baby through my vagina, and it was the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I made breastfeeding work that second time, and am still nursing my son 15 months later.  I wanted to be an excellent mother and raise my children up to be good people who will become the next generation of feminist freedom fighters. 

Having a uterus and breasts wasn’t oppressive anymore.  My feminine biology was a gift that no man will ever get to experience, and it is my duty to protect the sacred gift which mother nature provided to me – not to shame myself for having it.  

And so, I fight the system, along with all my feminist mothering sisters. 

• I fight for a women’s right to give birth naturally, without the medical community descending on her and compromising her health or autonomy with their (often unnecessary) drugs, instruments, and surgical deliveries.
  
• I fight for women to breastfeed when and where they want without a Puritan, patriarchal society shaming her for her womanly ability to nurture her young.
  
• And I fight for women’s right to be both a mother and a worker, without having to sacrifice her family just to keep a job or get ahead.

This is what feminism means to me now.  And I have my children to thank for this.  They opened my eyes to a world beyond anything I had imagined, while forcing me to eat many of my words.

Thank you children.  Life wouldn't be the same without you.  And knowing what I know now, I would never want it to be.

I Never Wanted to be a Working Mother

I absolutely hate being a Work Outside The Home Mom (WOHM) at this point in my life.  I hate it.  If you’ve ever been to my blog, or ever seen a single tweet of mine, this will not come as a huge shock to you.  So I’m going to spend this post bitching about something that has crawled under my skin, laid eggs, and hatched a giant, frothing, green-eyed monster that is unapologetically jealous and pissed off.

I will not make any apologies for however irrational my feelings are about this.  This is my view of my world as I know it, and my feelings are about ME, not about YOU.  This has all been building up since the day I realized I wouldn't be able to stay home with my first son - like we planned.  Plans?  Oh yeah, we had plans.  Smart, well-thought-out plans.  Then the economy happened.  I’d also add that the stress I’ve been feeling lately, combined with the partial cessation of breastfeeding and whatever hormonal changes may accompany that,  seems to have aggravated the post-partum depression that lurks beneath my surface, which makes TFB crankier than normal.

So here are two things I’m absolutely sick of right now:

1. SAHMs acting like they have it as hard as WOHMs.
2. SAHMS telling me it’s my “Choice” to be a WOHM.

Now, I have zero judgment about whether someone is a SAHM, WAHM, or WOHM.  Let’s get that part out of the way right off the bat.  I could not care less what somebody else does. There’s no “war” to me.  Whatever works for your family is Coolio with me.  I will never attempt to say that any one way is the “best” way to go about it – I don’t think there is a universal “best” way. 

But when either of the two aforementioned things come up, I am flat out insulted.  And that insult adds to the injury I already feel being in a situation that depresses the living shit out of me every day.  It’s a slap in the face – so I’m gonna talk about it.

First of all, being a SAHM is NOT as hard as being a WOHM, and I’m going to give you a list of reasons why. Perhaps this will make those who’d complain about it recognize what a sweet position they’re actually in.

#1 – Being SAHM is absolutely a full-time job, but going to work doesn’t mean you have a DIFFERENT full-time job – it means you now have TWO full time jobs - or more if you're like me.  That means you have to go put up with other people’s shit for 10 hours a day, then come home and do all the things you couldn’t do because you weren’t home all day (like cleaning, spending time with kids, meal planning, etc. etc.)  Those chores don’t just disappear because you’re not there!

#2 – Nobody will fire you for having a bad day as a mom.  I mean, unless you have a “somebody-call-Child-Protective-Services” kind of day, nobody is going to take that gig away from you (cause frankly, there is no 22 year old recent college graduate eyeing your job as a mother.)  I’ve seen some pretty crappy-ass moms who still don’t get fired for the lousy job they’re doing.  You don't live in fear of the moment you'll get called into the boss's office because your performance standards have slipped after being up all night dealing with two sick children at home.

#3 – Okay, being a SAHM is a job, but you don’t have to shower for it!  Yes you wake up early, but so do I.  And you don’t have to wake up at 6 am, rush around making sure the kids are taken care of/shipped off to daycare/whatever WHILE trying to shower, look presentable, and get into the appropriate business attire. You can stay in your fraking track pants all day long if you want to.  If I show up looking like a Mom, HR will have a “talk” with me.

#4 – You don’t have to pump breastmilk at work, or worry that you’ll lose your job if you do.  Enuf said.

#5 – Not everyone who works for a living has a corner office and an assistant who will bring them lattes all day.  If you think all Working Moms look like the women on the cover of Working Mother Magazine, go visit a production plant and talk to the barely-minimum-wage factory workers who stand on their feet all day and have to ask to take a bathroom break. Quit romanticizing the Working Mother role.  About zero percent of us have that corner office.  I bet your home working environment is a billion times better.

Now before you get all "but-some-women-have-no-choice-but-to-stay-home" let me say I'm not even going there in this post because I KNOW some women have no choice in that respect.  But that's not what this is about, so let's focus here people.

Secondly, I am so sick and tired of people telling me that it’s my “choice” to be a working mother.  It shouldn’t even make me mad.  I should find it hilarious.  I should think it’s funny that they live such stable, middle-class lifestyles that they cannot even fathom how it could be necessary to have two incomes to survive.  And I am outright insulted, deep in my core, when any person suggests that I’m leaving my kids every morning because I want to.  I could write, so, so much more on this, but I think I have to sum it up in with this:

NO, it is not my “choice.”  NO, we cannot afford, not even by the most creative budgeting known to man, to live on His income.  You don’t live here. You don’t know how we got here. You haven’t walked a mile in this family’s shoes. You don’t know how poor I grew up.  You don't know what I've had to do to drag myself out of poverty.  You don’t know how badly I don’t want to be there again.  And if You want to take a look at my balance sheet and figure out HOW I could “choose” to stay home, then you are 1000% welcome to do that.  But if you can’t – seriously shut the f*cking f*ck up because you don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not stupid, and if I can’t figure out a way to make something work, then it cannot be done. Not here. Not under our currently unchangeable circumstances. And to assume that everyone is in the same situation you are in is incredibly short-sighted.

This reminds me of the time the “Feminists” on the Ivillage board told me it was my fault I got Post-Partum depression because I didn’t plan my life better, and also because I didn’t anticipate that having a baby would mean having a cesarean.  Oh we silly women… always misplacing our crystal balls. Boy, maybe, just maybe, if I had been raised in any sort of stable environment I would have had another woman around to tell me what to expect when I had a baby.  But since I have no mother and no siblings, and had to endure that pregnancy without any guidance, perhaps I couldn’t have known what to expect?  It’s pretty difficult for those who “have” to understand anything about those who “have not.”  And they don’t even try.

And here’s where someone will say that it’s a “choice” to feed my kids.  Well, to me, letting my kids starve and losing the roof over our heads is NOT an option.  Not. An. Option.  If it’s an “option” for you, then call me when your kids are starving and you have no place to sleep – because until you’re in that situation, you have no way of knowing whether you really believe that’s an “option.”  You have the luxury of not having to make that "choice."

And the fact is, I have it way, way better than many Americans.  Having a child is the #1 cause of poverty spells in the United States.  I wouldn't even have health insurance if I didn't have a job - so what happens if my kid gets sick?  Now I've "chosen" to have a sick child that I can't get treatment for?  Clearly, my family is not the only one facing these situations.  We’re not in dire straits right now – but if I quit my job, that will change fast.

And that pisses me off.  I’m trapped.  I’m sad.  I want to be home with my kids.  I don’t want to work two jobs and go to school full time at night for the next 6 years anymore.  I’m angry because I ended up exactly where I didn’t want to be. I’m flailing.  I’m trying everything I can think of to change my situation.  And at the end of the day, I still can’t make it go away.  But on the average day, I deal with this fairly well.  I get up and go to work until 5 pm. I get off work and sit in class until 10 pm.  I get out of class and go home to make cakes until 2 am.  And I pack every second of family time in where I can.

But then someone tells me their life is soooooo hard being a stay-at-home mom, and I want to fracking scream.  And when I scream, they tell me that I could be a stay-at-home mom if I just “lived within my means” or planned a little better – and then, I want to break down crying, because those people are so out of touch with what my family/many families go through to try to provide the very basics for their kids.  Those familes have no idea what my down-to-the-penny Excel budget looks like each and every month.

And because they’re so out of touch, they’ll never understand.  So here’s where I stop trying to make them.

*exhale.*

Feminism is Not my Religion

Some feminists claim that feminism is about supporting other women's choices unconditionally and without judgment. I disagree wholeheartedly.
 
I believe feminism is about equality.  Nothing less.  Nothing more.  I do not believe feminism requires supporting any choice a woman makes regardless of its context or consequence. The blind support of a person or action based solely a shared ideology, without critical thought, is nothing more than a religion.  Or... some might call it a cult.

Great feminists have defined feminism time and again:

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings"
~Cheris Kramerae, author of A Feminist Dictionary, 1996.

"Feminism is the advocacy of political, economic and social equality between women and men."
~Feminist Majority Foundation

"A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men."
~Gloria Steinem, founder of Ms. Magazine, leader of the Women's Movement.

Nowhere in those three statements does it say “Feminism is about limitless choice.” I do not believe Feminism is simply about “choice” though it can sometimes be about the right to make certain choices, especially choices that support equality.  However, if those choices undermine equality for every woman, good luck getting support from me. 

A good example of a real choice: the choice between working or staying home.  Both have risks and benefits, and no science has ever proven that one is universally better than the other.  It’s about what works for you and your family.  Neither one is more feminist than the other.  Neither decision undermines equality or our gender.

Another good example of choice: the right to carry, or terminate, an unwanted pregnancy.  What is right for that woman depends entirely on her own circumstances and capabilities.  No one will ever know if she would have been better off taking a different path (though I openly admit that I loathe abortion and decided against one for myself.)  I will always support choice in this area.

But, do you really believe every woman’s every “choice” should be supported?  Tell me you’ve never seen a woman, 9-months pregnant, sucking on a Marlboro Red, and thought to yourself “Oh my god, that is disgusting!”  Is it her choice to choke her unborn fetus with cigarette smoke?  Sure it is!  Do you support that choice?  Are you going to walk up to her and say “Way to go!  Smoke another one for me!”  I bet you a thousand dollars you won’t.  You judge it, just like I do, and don't try to tell me you don't.  It is repulsive, and it’s okay to say that.  Several states have laws against smoking in a car with children in it.  This is a good case of legislating parenting.  Smoking itself isn't illegal, but being a bad parent can be.  Some things clearly undermine public health and our society, and I’ll be the first to say so regardless if a man is doing it or a woman is doing it.  I will not support some things, and feminism (a.k.a. gender equality) does not require me to.

The other problem with calling everything a “choice” is that it reduces anything we are to being simply a personal choice.  All the sudden, just being a woman is now a "choice" that is open to debate and possibly legislation by others.  It has already happened with birthing and breastfeeding – two things that are completely owned by women, and yet are continually being snuffed out by the Cash Cow Corporations whose vested interest lies in pushing c-sections and formula.  And the best part of that?  They convince you they’ve done you a favor!  You’ve been “liberated” by being chained to The Man.  Nice going.

I am a female mammal; vaginal birth is not a choice, rather, it is the way nature designed my child to be birthed from my body - a design that even our modern scientific research has proven to be the healthiest possible way for a baby to be born.*  Why?  Because it does not require new-fangled technology.  It is natural.

I am a female mammal; breastfeeding is not a choice.  It is how our offspring was meant to be fed - an act that modern scientists and economists have proven is the best possible way to feed our babies.* Why? Because it does not require new-fangled, chemically comprised mystery liquids.  It is natural.

But calling these things “choices” leaves the opportunity for others to say that you could have made an “alternate choice” -- and because you didn’t, you should suffer the sacrifices of that “choice” and not look for any special considerations.  And this opens the door for discriminating against mothers simply for being mothers – which is the one basic biological function that is exclusive to the female gender.

Let me illustrate.  Our country says you are allowed the freedom to pray to whatever God you want.  To truly honor that freedom, we must allow or citizens to recognize their religion in whatever way they believe is necessary, and we all work around it.  But what if, by the same stroke, those who recognized Yom Kippur, for example, were told it was their “choice” to be Jewish, therefore they were not allowed a day off work to recognize the holiday?  That’s not equality.  You cannot claim to be equal if you are still being punished for what you are.

Equality does not mean “sameness.”  Equality does not mean trading off your feminine biology to become a pseudo man.  Equality means taking us for what we are; and that includes the accommodations that must be made to allow mothers to mother the next generation of people the best way possible.

But let’s take this in another direction.  Do you hear MEN typing around the blogosphere about how they should support all choices other men make?  When a man does something against nature and intelligent evidence, do you hear other men chiming in saying “Hey man, being a man is about choice!”  No, you don’t.  And you don’t hear them criticizing and undermining each other because of the very things that make them male.  In fact, anything that is inherently male is usually celebrated and protected.  They don’t tell each other they should cut off their manhood to be “equal” and sell that manhood to corporations and special interest groups to be “free” from their male-ness.  They’re not looking for an escape hatch.  And they’re not apologetic about what they are.  And most importantly, they don’t claim that civil equality requires them all to hold hands and agree with every choice every one of them makes.

If you want equality, then allow female brains to think critically and make sound judgments about issues facing our society – just like men have been doing, unapologetically, since the beginning of time.

You do what you want, and I’ll reserve the right to agree or disagree with it.  If what you’re doing is universally questionable, I’ll disagree loudly with it.  And at no point in time will I ever feel like I am under some obligation to support you because we share a chromosome.

My only obligation, as a card-carrying feminist, is to support and advocate for that which promotes gender equality.  That is all.

_____________________________________

*clearly I mean in normal, healthy situations. There are exceptions to everything in this universe.