The Feminist Breeder

No, Formula is Not "Fine"

As the #NestleFamily scandal unfolded, you saw twitterers from all over the country weighing in on the debate.  Some made it very clear that the problem we have with Nestle is their unethical business practices, just one being their blatant violation of the World Health Organization's marketing codes for infant formula.  In case you're wondering why that's a big deal, understand  that an estimated 1.3 million children die each year from not being breastfed, especially in developing worlds (but not only in developing worlds - many right here in this country.)  A few years back, it was discovered that a Unicef effort to encourage formula feeding in Botswana (as a misguided  and fatally flawed attempt to limit the transmission of HIV from mother to baby) resulted in children dying in 20 times the usual numbers.  Horrifying results.  But even though most of the NestleFamily twitter debaters tried hard to keep this issue from turning into a breast vs. formula debate, others Twitter Debaters insisted that Nestle's WHO Code violation was a non-issue because "my kid was formula fed and he/she is fine."

I have a huge problem with this sort of statement.  To say any formula fed child is "fine" is to argue that formula is "fine", ergo "the same as breastmilk" - and that is an outright falsehood.  People making these statements think that because their formula fed child isn't limping around the schoolyard, slurring their ABC's, then this is evidence that formula is a perfect substitute for breastmilk.  You'll find people like BackPacking Dad on Twitter making jokes like "Formula causes scurvy, leukemia, and libertarianism. Breast-feeding gives babies x-ray vision."  Very thoughtful and helpful, dude.  That was funny how he used sarcasm to undermine the real science and evidence we have on the effects of formula feeding.  Wow, what a totally smart argument.  (See, I can be sarcastic too.) ;)

First off, breastmilk protects children again unseen enemies like childhood leukemia and type 1 and 2 diabetes.  It also protects against asthma, dermatitis, and obesity, just to name a few things.  The next intensely important benefit of breastfeeding is that it helps protect mothers against breast cancer, ovarian cancer, Type 2 diabetes, and Post-Partum Depression.  No formula in the world can even attempt to offer those kinds of benefits to mothers.

If formula feeding puts women and children at greater risk for short term or long term health issues, then how in the world is that "fine."  It's not. Stop kidding yourself.

But here is where some people argue that mothers face such pressure to breastfeed that we need to lay off the "Breast is Best" mantra and support whatever choice they make.  To that I say "Give Me A Break."  Pressure to breastfeed?  Laughable.  According to the CDC, in 2008 only 7.2% of American Infants were breastfed exclusively to age 6 months.  That's it.  Shocking, isn't it?  7.2% of infants were fed according to the guidelines set forth by pediatric health experts.  So who in the world are these people supposedly pressuring women to breastfeed?  I see 10 ads a day for formula on television.  ZERO for breastfeeding.  I see a new article every week about some woman who was harassed or kicked out of an establishment for breastfeeding her child, and yet not a single woman has ever been kicked out of anywhere for formula feeding.  Does Not Happen.  You can't open any parenting magazine without seeing ads for infant formula splashed on every 3rd page.  We live in a Formula-Pushing world.  In 2008, only 62% of babies in this country were EVER breastfed and only 58% are still getting at least some breastmilk by the time they leave the hospital.  Only 20% of children in this country are given breastmilk all the way to 12 months of age, which is the minimum suggested by the American Academy of Pediatrics - (the World Health Organization actually suggests until at least 24 months.)  Our breastfeeding rates are dismal, and they speak for themselves.  So nobody is going to convince me that women are facing such pressure to breastfeed.  If you are facing pressure to breastfeed, either count yourself lucky, or turn 5 degrees in another direction and you'll find swarms of people waiting to give you free formula and a big pat on the back.

When my 10 lb second son was born, I couldn't throw a nursing pad without hitting someone who tried to convince me I'd never be able to breastfeed this child.  He's 17 months and I'm still nursing him today, no thanks to most of the people around me.  That picture to the right is the stack of formula sitting behind the desk at my own pediatrician's office.  If you go into the office with a breastfeeding struggle, you're given some formula.  It's like going to an AA meeting and being sent home with a 6-pack of beer, "just in case."  Even my pro-breastfeeding husband got frustrated one night and said "Just give him formula!" (and yes, he nearly lost an eye for that.)  If I hadn't been able to seek out hardcore breastfeeding help on these here internets, or from the few women I know who weren't afraid to give me that extra push, I'm sure I would have given up on us.  And it would have broken my heart.  I gave up breastfeeding my first son after 4 weeks because everyone convinced me I'd be so much "happier" if I just started formula feeding. They were WRONG.  I was not happier.  I was horribly depressed about it, and it certainly was NOT because society made me feel what I did was wrong.  Breastfeeding was a huge, painful struggle for Jonas and I, but if I'd had the support to make it through I know I/we would be better off today. The well meaning people around me did nothing but contribute to my failure, and I think it is partly out of ignorance, and partly to make themselves feel better about not breastfeeding their own child.

Why else would parents, knowing all the science and knowing it is a sub-par feeding solution, run around telling everybody else it's "fine?"  I formula fed, yes, I did.  But do I sit here pretending that what I did was perfectly the same as breastfeeding?  Absolutely not.  I would never, ever tell another mother that either.  What kind of favor is that?

I'm not saying that formula hasn't been necessary in some situations, and I'm not saying I would shame another mother for doing what she had to do.  I don't have any problem with a mother who feels like she needs some help from formula, so long as she's making an informed choice on the matter.  But I will not sit idly by and listen to mothers try to drag other mothers and babies down with false information, or even well-meaning misguidance.  As Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan famously said "You are entitled to your opinion.  But you are not entitled to your own facts."

For people who'd try to use their own anecdotes to convince others that their formula-fed kids turned out fine, all I can think is "Okay, we'll see" OR "Good for you, 1.3 million other kids this year weren't so lucky."

Breast IS Best - and no amount of tip-toeing around the subject is going to make that fact go away.  So I'm not going to tip-toe.  And if you don't like it, I'll give you the address for my pediatrician's office where you get all the free infant formula you can carry.  You will have no trouble at all finding formula-feeding support.  Look around you.  93% of the babies around you are being formula-fed by their mothers.

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Updated to add: After some commentors drew my attention to this article, I would like to change my language to say, no, breast is not just "best".. breast is in fact the standard, and anything else is simply subpar.

"United They Nurse" - Lactivists Make the Front Page

(Front page of the Saturday edition of the Chicago Sun Times)

When Reporters Listen to Lactivists

Yesterday I complained to anyone who would listen about a Chicago reporter inaccurately stating Illinois breastfeeding laws in reference to a breastfeeding in public story.  I was up at 2 a.m. this morning writing email exchanges with the reporter on the story in an effort to talk her into realizing the gravity of her inaccuracies.  At first she felt that Illinois state law didn't apply here, but I explained how important it is that Illinois breastfeeding protection laws are accurately cited in any case of breastfeeding discrimination so those listening to the story know their boundaries, and realize that this issue is a matter of law, and should be treated with sensitivity.

Thankfully, she listened, and when CBS 2 covered the story again today, she changed her language to respect the protections afforded to nursing mothers in Illinois.

Today all of Chicago's major news outlets covered the Nurse-In organized by Lauren Trost, which was attended by 60 mothers as well as representatives of the Le Leche League.  I think this has to be one of the most positive outcomes from an otherwise negative experience that I have seen in years.  Perhaps the tide is turning - but I think we owe a lot of this to the power of strong legislation that grants freedom through protection.  This couldn't have happened in a state that doesn't protect a mother's right to nurse in public, and it would have been a whole lot more debatable in any state that only has weak language on the subject.

But watch the video on the story - it will make any lactivist's heart swell up with pride over what Lauren & the Lactivists (that should be a band name) were able to accomplish.  Take one breastfeeding bill, add one jerk who doesn't know their place, then multiply it times all the social media outlets who will make a rally cry go viral, and you have some serious social change.  This is why I keep trying.  Now let's get this Breastfeeding Promotion Act passed and we can really make some progress!

Man, I luvs me some law.

Breastfeeding in Public Gets Shotty Reporting

Yesterday a Lincoln Square mother was harassed by a woman for breastfeeding her son in public.

Bad, right?  Yes. But what makes it worse? When the female reporter on the story, Suzanne Le Mignot,  doesn’t know enough about Illinois law to properly report on the subject.

From the story:

Trost says she always nurses her 7-month-old son discreetly in Lincoln Square. That's why she says she was stunned when a woman recently threatened her by saying:

"'I'm going to call the police, and then I said, 'please call the police,'" Trost said. "She said, 'what you're doing is indecent, there are children here.' And I said, 'I'm just feeding my baby.'"

Nursing a child in public is not against the law in Illinois. Trost says she's telling her story to reinforce that fact.

DEAR Ms. Le Mignot – nursing in public is not just “not against the law in Illinois,” it is, flat out PROTECTED by law.  In fact, Illinois SB 3211 provided one of the country’s strictest breastfeding protection laws in that it includes an actual enforcement provision, allowing a woman to sue any business who tried to deny her this right.

This is like saying “being handicapped is not against the law in Illinois.”  Hello? We have RIGHTS and PROTECTIONS.  That goes far beyond “not against the law.”

Please send your letters of disapproval to CBS 2 News regarding Ms. Le Mignot’s underwhelming reporting capabilities.  I want them to update the story to include the actual laws, and not their poorly researched version.

Here’s the one I wrote:

Dear Susanne,

Regarding this morning's story about the breastfeeding incident in Lincoln Square, I request that you get your facts straight.

Breastfeeding in public is not only "not illegal" in the state of Illinois, but it is PROTECTED BY LAW.  In 2004, SB 3211 established "The Right to Breastfeed" act, which includes tough legislation protecting a woman's right to nurse anywhere she is authorized to be, and includes an enforcement provision allowing her to sue for damages if a business owner tried to stop her from breastfeeding in their establishment.

http://www.illinois.gov/PressReleases/ShowPressRelease.cfm?SubjectID=1&RecNum=3291

Breastfeeding is a hugely important and highly controversial topic, and it is your job as a reporter to dispel the confusion and set forth the facts when reporting on a story like this.

Section 10: Breastfeeding Location: A mother may breastfeed her baby in any location, public or private, where the mother is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother's breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breastfeeding;

Section 15. Private right of action. A woman who has been denied the right to breastfeed by the owner or manager of a public or private location, other than a private residence or place of worship, may bring an action to enjoin future denials of the right to breastfeed. If the woman prevails in her suit, she shall be awarded reasonable attorney's fees and reasonable expenses of litigation.

Please update your language to reflect the protections that women are granted, rather than just implying that what they are doing isn't technically "illegal."

A Concerned Illinoisan

Now, somebody tell me how I can get ahold of Lauren Trost because I will nurse in Lincoln Square with her any day of the week.  I swear I know this woman, I just cannot place her.  Maybe we were in a mom's group together at some point.  She looks pretty rock-n-roll, and we're around the same age, so I bet she's probably a friend of a friend.

I Predict a Riot!

UPDATE TO THIS STORY:  Well, my friends, letter writing and lactivism works!  Check it out! I smell progress!

Forbes Magazine Interviews Yours Truly...

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by a journalist for Forbes Magazine on the plight of the Working & Pumping Mother.

This is a plight I know all too well.  It's not easy providing breastmilk to a baby you don't see 50 hours a week.  But I busted my butt, and made it through that full year of pumping at work without a drop of formula supplementation.  Luckily my employer didn't give me any hassles, and they never questioned a minute I needed to spend in the Mother's Room, but they didn't exactly provide me with all the resources I needed to be successful either.

They could do better, so I helped them do better, and it was a win/win for everyone.

The case that this article makes is that Employers can do more to assist nursing Mothers, and it only helps their bottom line.  Read the full Forbes.com article called "The Business of Breastfeeding."

Yay me!

PS. I'm the second Gina in the article (Gina Crosley-Corcoran), not the Gina from Lanisoh - but weird coincidence!

_____________________________________________________________

UPDATED:

Upon request I have added the document I created for my company. 

Download Mothers Room Info-Breastfeeding (1.36 MB PDF)

Feel free to use these as a guide in creating your own Mother's Room materials.  It is also important to order some fee copies of The Business Case For Breastfeeding to have on hand as well.

Breastfeeding Bigots on Twitter (and the radio)

I want to share a letter that I wrote today to the station managers at LA's 92.5 KYHY and 1490 WWPR in Tampa after one of their radio hosts used Twitter to bash a breastfeeding woman at a Dodgers game.

Dear Station Managers/Producers at  92.5 KYHY and 1490 WWPR,

I am sure that your stations are aware of the power and influence of social media outlets such as Twitter.  For this reason, I would expect that your stations may be interested in knowing if one of your radio personalities is using a social media platform to spout bigoted slurs toward a minority group, especially if that group is protected under state law.

Anyone following a certain term or “hashtag” on Twitter receives an alert when any member of Twitter mentions that term. When DJ Tim Mihalsky began his afternoon of hateful comments at a Dodgers game yesterday, people all over the world saw those comments, including me. 

Tim began attacking a woman, via Twitter, who was breastfeeding her baby at the Dodgers game calling her “crazy”, “rude”, saying that she had “no shame”, and insisting she “go in the back”.  What Tim Mihalsky fails to realize is that mothers who nurse in public are a protected status of individual under CA  and FL state law.  Section 43.3 of the California Civil Code, otherwise known as the “Right to Breastfeed in Public (1997)” states that  "…a mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private…where the mother and the child are otherwise authorized to be present."  Florida's law dictates the same. 

As of this morning, it appears a second BlockFM radio host, Cassie Williams, has also begun calling the act “rude.” 

CA, FL, and 40 other states enacted these laws to promote breastfeeding because it has been established by every respected medical organization in the world that breastfeeding is the best possible way to feed our children, protecting against everything from diabetes to cancer.  California and most other states in the nation have specific state law to promote and protect breastfeeding as a matter of public and economic health.

When confronted by breastfeeding mothers and advocates all over the world, Mihalsky first said he was “joking”, and then went on to defend his position on the subject and insist he was exercising “free speech.”

As a pre-law student, I believe in and defend the constitution.  However, there is a difference between “free speech” and “hate speech”, and a radio personality with a morning show in two of the largest markets of this country ought to exercise more social responsibility before sending hateful comments into Cyberspace for the millions of Twitter users to see.  What’s next?  Will we excuse it when he tells the Women/Blacks/Mexicans/Asians to “go in the back?”

On behalf of the effected minority group, and mothers everywhere, I ask that Mihalsky issue a retraction, and be trained on the social responsibility and use of Twitter as a radio personality.

Sincerely,

(your name here)

Please send this, or your own version of this letter, to manager@1490wwpr.com and info@925kyhy.com and copy the offenders themselves buzz@theblockfm.com.

Get your riot on, people.

UPDATE!: Tim and the BlockFM crew discussed their outrage over public breastfeeding, along with yours truly, on their morning show. Here's a link to the MP3.  http://bit.ly/qG80d So his bigotry has followed him onto the airwaves.  Lactivists Unite!

ANOTHER UPDATE!: The bigot's comments have gotten worse, aaaaand worse, and now he's decided to bring his co-host/female lawyer on today's show to bash breastfeeding some more (again, breastfeeding in public promoted and protected by her state's law.) Stay tuned for more details and another letter writing campaign. I won't be listening it (I may gag) but please report back to me if you do.

Breeding With the Enemy: My Story of Feminist Conversion

This is the story of how I went from being a decidedly childless feminist, to a Feminist Breeder, and what that change meant for my conflicted views of the Modern Woman.

I inherited my early feminist views from my non-traditional family.  I had no mom or dad around, so I was raised by grandparents, aunts, and uncles, and sometimes lived on my own for months at a time while the guardians went off to find work in other areas.  I find that horrifying these days; that a child not more than 10 yrs old could be left in another state to feed themselves and get themselves off to school in the morning, but such was my life, and it all seemed normal at the time.  This helped me develop an independence that lays a fertile soil for feminist ideology.

My maternal grandfather was the type of man who wanted his girls to be able to take care of themselves.  Though terribly physically and emotionally abusive (which I now attribute to a lifetime of undiagnosed anxiety and clinical depression), there was a part of him that treated women with far more respect and dignity than most men of his generation.  Women were complex and mysterious creatures to him, though I believe he was sometimes so intimidated he lashed out, and those were the days I got my ass kicked.  My grandmother handled everything of importance, and whatever she wanted she got.  He wanted his daughters (of which I was always considered to be one) to excel and succeed.  He taught me to change the oil in my car so I wouldn’t have to depend on a man to do it.   He tried (in his own way) to raise me with common sense and a good work ethic, so I could make my way in the world.  He raised me like a man raises his son, while still entertaining my need to be a girl sometimes.  I suppose if anyone “taught” me to be a feminist, it was him. 

There were no Stay-At-Home-Moms in my family.  The women in my family worked; not as a matter of politics or choice, but as a matter of survival.  My grandmother worked as a roofer right alongside my grandfather, every day for nearly 40 years.  She didn’t get to stay home with me, even when I would beg her.  Not working meant not eating, though there were many days I went hungry anyway.  We were poverty-stricken, a fact I did not fully realize until I became an adult.

My aunt liked to tell me that “Every woman is only one man away from welfare” – meaning don’t rely on anybody.  My aunt helped raise me when my grandparents couldn’t and she’s as Feminist as a woman can be.  Well, any woman who’s never been a mother, that is. It’s not that she didn’t want babies, she did, desperately, but she was not able conceive, and then re-married to a man who didn’t want them anyway.  She’s Pro-Choice in terms of reproductive freedom yet often refers to pregnant women as “a buncha whiners.”  She has little tolerance for anyone unlike herself, and even less tolerance for women complaining about their girly bits.  She also helped convince me during my first pregnancy that childbirth was "deadly" and “thank god” for that birth rape cesarean or I’d have ended up just like Great-Great Aunt Mable from the old black & white pictures who died during childbirth in the 1910’s.  I had never spent any time around women who discussed birth, and only knew what I saw from shows like "A Baby Story" or "Maternity Ward" so I didn't question any of this.

After the trauma of being gutted like a fish in an operating room with my arms strapped out at my side like Jesus on the cross, convulsing and throwing up all over myself while my husband watched in horror, I started to question my Aunt’s understanding of feminism and politics in general.  If being a feminist meant allowing masked Med-Pros to violate my body, I don’t know if I’m cut out for her feminism after all.

Because of my upbringing, I saw children as a punishment.  I had never seen a planned pregnancy in my family.  The children all seemed to be consequences of a loose, irresponsible woman looking for love in the wrong place.  Nine months later, a welfare case was born.  I decided very early on that I would not be one of those women.  I did not want children.  I didn’t want to be punished.  But if I there ever was a day when I wanted a child, they would be born into a stable family – into wedlock at least – unlike any other child in my family’s sordid history. 

To me, feminism meant avoiding anything and everything that was exclusive to women.  Childbirth seemed oppressive, as did my biology in general, and I wanted no part of it.  As far as I was concerned, it could all be removed and I'd be better off.

When I got accidentally pregnant, I was angry.  Angry at myself for being so stupid, and angry at my (now) husband for wanting me to keep it.  I always assumed two pink lines on pregnancy test would have me out the door to Planned Parenthood for my quickie abortion before the urine dried.  But until I was in that situation, I never could have known how I would end up handling it.

As it turns out, abortion wasn’t an option for me.   Not at that time.  Not in this relationship.  I felt that I just didn’t “qualify.”  While our circumstances at the time were less than ideal for starting a family, I wasn’t a crackhead or a scared teen either.  I had the things I felt were required for accepting the responsibility of a positive pregnancy test: a responsible mate who already asked me to marry him, a place to live, help from our family, a good head on my shoulders, and a healthy body.  And most importantly, I couldn’t do that to him.  He wanted the baby, and I knew that aborting it would kill a part of him that would never recover.  I couldn’t justify terminating a pregnancy simply because I got sloppy one night.  I had made a bed, and the grown-up thing to do was lie in it.  And the fact was, ladies and gentlemen, I wasn’t getting any younger anyway.  Every woman in my family had already finished having babies by the time she was the age I was when I got knocked up.  People in the family had actually begun to assume I was infertile.

Now, people often ask me when I “knew” I wanted to be a mother.  I always have the same answer: “At 7:27 pm, August 1st 2006 – the moment my son was born, and not a minute sooner.”  Even through those nine months of pregnancy, I wasn’t sure I was cut out for this.  I was a feminist, dammit!  I couldn’t be tied down with a child.  I had school to finish and places to travel to.  There were times during the pregnancy that I told my new husband I wanted out, and that I’d give the baby to him and his mother after it was born and they could raise it.  Why not?  That’s what my mother did with me. She wasn’t up for the motherhood stuff, so she left me on doorsteps and took off.  Why would I – should I – be any different?  Well, my mother was/is also a horrible human being and ought to have been chemically castrated before she went on to ruin three more childrens' lives – but that’s a whole other story.

Instead, on that date 3 years ago, I was transformed.  Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally – all of it.  The moment I heard my child cry, my brain chemistry changed, and suddenly I realized that being this person’s mother was not a punishment.  On the contrary, it was a gift I probably didn’t deserve, but I would spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it.  Though I was overjoyed by this perfect little miracle I had just produced, I felt sad and robbed that he was cut from my womb, instead of being birthed by me.  I never knew how much that would matter until it was taken from me.  I vowed that my next child would be birthed by his mother – not by a man in a mask.

I started that pregnancy thinking breastfeeding was gross.  I’d never seen it done, but it seemed like it was something white trash women did.  I was clueless.  Then I had my baby, and nurturing him from my breast seemed right.  After all, I had made this little baby in my body - it made sense for me to keep feeding him with the same body that had done such a good job making him.  Unfortunately, thanks to a cesarean and a period of separation, along with little support from my doctors, breastfeeding wasn’t successful for me with my first son.  Once I had to switch to formula feeding, I realized just how oppressive and sexist formula feeding, and formula companies, truly are.  Here you are born with two sources of perfect nutrition right there on your body, and our patriarchal society convinces you that custom-made milk isn’t good enough.  Your body isn’t good enough, and what you’re providing for your baby – without their help – isn’t good enough.  They convince you to enslave yourself (and your wallet) to the formula manufacturer - the buying, mixing, heating, and washing of bottles - all while their product undermines your health and your baby's health.  And they do all this while convincing the vast majority of women that it’s somehow liberating them.  *headshake*

Right then, my feminism changed.  That cesarean, and that formula feeding, taught me that the most feminist thing I could do for myself was to take back my body and my autonomy.  I birthed my second baby through my vagina, and it was the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I made breastfeeding work that second time, and am still nursing my son 15 months later.  I wanted to be an excellent mother and raise my children up to be good people who will become the next generation of feminist freedom fighters. 

Having a uterus and breasts wasn’t oppressive anymore.  My feminine biology was a gift that no man will ever get to experience, and it is my duty to protect the sacred gift which mother nature provided to me – not to shame myself for having it.  

And so, I fight the system, along with all my feminist mothering sisters. 

• I fight for a women’s right to give birth naturally, without the medical community descending on her and compromising her health or autonomy with their (often unnecessary) drugs, instruments, and surgical deliveries.
  
• I fight for women to breastfeed when and where they want without a Puritan, patriarchal society shaming her for her womanly ability to nurture her young.
  
• And I fight for women’s right to be both a mother and a worker, without having to sacrifice her family just to keep a job or get ahead.

This is what feminism means to me now.  And I have my children to thank for this.  They opened my eyes to a world beyond anything I had imagined, while forcing me to eat many of my words.

Thank you children.  Life wouldn't be the same without you.  And knowing what I know now, I would never want it to be.

Okay, nobody panic…

...but I woke up with something missing this morning.  Everything seemed normal, aside from this ridiculous cold I have in July.  But there I was, drying off from the shower when suddenly I realized: I’d been burglarized.

My boobs are missing.

Just a day or so ago, they were there.  The same C-cups I’ve had through the last 2 years of pregnancy and nursing.  Not even 48 hours ago I stuffed them into a swimsuit I was trying on.  I remember them being there.

But today?  A cups.  I’m truly not kidding.  I’m not even exaggerating.  These are the kind of A cups that make people wonder if you may have been a Man at one point in your life.

I feel like I should file a police report.  So, I consult the husband:

Me: “Do you notice anything missing?”
Him: “Like what?”
Me: “My boobs are gone.”
Him: “Oh yeah, I know, I noticed that yesterday.”
Me: “WHAT!??!  You noticed!?!”
Him: “Yeah, it was strange – it only took about 2 days, but they went away.”
Me: *Gulp*

So I’m not just imagining it.

Add this to the column of Totally UnGodly Yet Perfectly Natural Weird Ass Things That Happen to A Mother’s Body.  Apparently my chest got the hint that I wasn’t nursing as much as I once had, and it decided to lay off at least 80% of the Milk Production workforce.  This comes as quite a shock to the system.  Just when I thought I had gotten used to my body doing all sorts of unexplained things, it transforms itself completely overnight.  I give up.

The most frustrating part of course is that I need to go drop money on all new brassieres now.  Though I suppose "they" are so little now, I might be able to get away with wearing only a couple of Band Aids and a tank top.

It’s a really good thing my husband is not a boob man.  I had A cups when he met me, so he knew the Baby Boobies were probably only a temporary toy.  My rear end is the reason he married me.  But I swear if I woke up tomorrow missing my booty, he’d probably have divorce papers messengered over to me by the close of business that day.  I suppose if there's a silver lining in this anywhere it's that, thankfully, I’m the only one of us who cares that my chest took off and left me.

Of course, now I’m wondering if all my recent weight loss only came from the upper half of my body.  That sure would explain a few things...

Being a woman is just all kinds of bat-shit crazy.

Free Pumping Bra Giveaway (and coupon code)

This week at TheFeministShopper.com!  I'm giving away a free PumpEase™ Pumping Bra, and there's also a 10% off coupon code for those who don't win the contest.

I've been getting GREAT products for giveaways, and putting my favorite products in the hands of other mamas feels awesome! So if you're interested in getting a review and giving away a product to a TFS reader then contact me and we'll see what we can work out.

The contest ends this Wednesday so hurry over there today!

Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 9

This week – lots of news in the world of natural birthing and breastfeeding!

C-sections shouldn't be 'automatic' for breech births, Canadian doctors say
So, the Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in Canada has decided that vaginal birth is a perfectly reasonable option for delivering most breech babies, and they’ve even go so far as to begin a program to train doctors in the lost art of breech delivery.  I have to say, I’m dumbfounded.  This is one of the most responsible and intelligent things I’ve heard a medical profession do.  You mean, they weighed the evidence, and changed their mind?  What a concept!  Hey ACOG, take notes from our friends to the north.

Speaking of those smart(er) Canadian doctors…

C-sections, forceps use rising too sharply in Canada, medical groups say
Here several Canadian medical groups complain of the overuse of cesarean, forcep and vacuum assisted delivery, and delivery before 41 weeks.   “Doctors should only resort to these interventions when there is a valid, evidence-based reason” the article says.  Oh, Canada!

But, I do have to throw the ACOG a bone this week – or rather, I suppose it’s them throwing us a bone…

ACOG Refines Fetal Heart Rate Monitoring Guidelines
Finally, the ACOG realizes that fetal heart rate monitoring has done absolutely nothing to reduce perinatal mortality or the risk of cerebral palsy.  In fact, they say that the cerebral palsy rate has remained exactly the same for the last 60 years despite all the interventions and technology thrown at it.  I’ll be sending this to my doctor who (as you may have read in my VBAC birth story) insisted that the heart rate monitor was telling him my child would be born with cerebral palsy if I did not let him perform a cesarean on me.  Idjit.

In other news...

Breastfeeding Improves IQ
Well, it has been argued time and again.  People have said there’s no validity in the notion that breastfeeding makes you smarter, but now there’s been a new study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition that compared the IQs of siblings in the same family, one who was breastfed, and the other who was formula fed.  Guess who came out on top?  Well... I don’t want to give it away, so make with the clicky-click on the link above.

And finally...

And in reference to my Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 7 - I'd like to say THIS is the right way for establishments to use the International Breastfeeding Symbol.  Take note.  And thank you Elita @Blacktating for bringing that pic to my attention.  I'd also like to note that the pictures I complained about on the Mothering site have now been removed - I only noticed because I clicked on the link in my post, and it's dead now.  Coincidence?  Or they did hear me (us)?  I find it very interesting, but however it happened, I'm quite pleased.  They now have a page listing the "suggested use" of the symbol, and make particular reference to the symbol not being used to "segregate" breastfeeding mothers (wasn't that the word so many of us used when griping about this?)  Even if it had nothing to do with our complaints, lets all pat ourselves on the back for making a difference anyway.

That's all for now. Toodles!

Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 7

This week, something to read, and something just to look at.

Lisa Girion - Childbirth: Can the U.S. improve?
Such an wonderfully rich article on the cesarean plague facing this country.  Most articles like this (and there have been quite a few lately) seem to take the luke-warm, way-too-diplomatic approach.  This article offers the unabashed truth, and it even contains quotes from doctors finally waking up and smelling the post-operative stench.  Perhaps change is afoot?  And with the medical professionals finally admitting that there is a disturbing cesarean rate in this country, I would just like to offer a hearty “I freaking told you so” to those who didn’t believe me.  I can only hope that the insurance companies and legislators listen to these doctors.

Is this really Breastfeeding Support?  Why I think this is a big Mothering Magazine Fail.
Based on the crickets I heard when I brought this issue up on Twitter, I have deduced that either I’m reading too much into this, or none of the folks in my circle of naturalists would dare say a bad word against their precious Mothering Magazine.  But these photos tell a totally hypocritical story to me.  This is a page dedicated to photos of the official international breastfeeding symbol being used to denote “breastfeeding friendly” establishments.  So, there’s a symbol in a restaurant window.  Awesome.  And there’s a symbol framed on a fancy luncheon table.  Super.  Wonderful use of the symbol.

But, the symbol posted on the door of a “Mother’s Room” in an airport, with the caption “To obtain key, please see the Travelers Assistance Booth across from Gate C12” – yeah, not a great use of that symbol if you ask me.  So, what this sign is REALLY saying is “No, you should not be breastfeeding wherever it is convenient for you. Instead, you need to drag your baby to Gate C12, wherever that is, and get a key to enter this room so you can hide away that dirty, dirty breastfeeding you plan on doing.”  If I were the owner of the breastfeeding symbol, this is NOT how I would want it used.  There are also several other photos of the symbol being used to denote a nursing station of some kind.

Perhaps I’m overreacting, but I see this as a Mothering Magazine fail.  They’re congratulating facilities that use the breastfeeding symbol to relegate women to makeshift bathrooms and other hiding places, instead of using the symbol to demonstrate that breastfeeding mothers are free to nurse wherever they choose.  Eh.  It just chaps my hide a bit.  Please, tell me your thoughts on this.

That’s all for this week.  Enjoy!

Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 6

…or rather, perhaps it should say “Things You Should Read and/or Watch” Thursday. 

Here we have video footage of testimony by some smart women in support of the Pennsylvania HB1350 – a workplace pumping bill.  One of my Twitter friends is featured here, and it made me so friggity-friggen proud to see her.  I think it made me even happier to see a male politician fully in support of something that would make most men too uncomfortable to even talk about.

Speaking of Jake – the piece I offer for your reading pleasure today is a wonderful post from her “Sustainable Mothering” Blog.  She writes a poignant article on what it feels like to have nursed a toddler after that toddler is grown into an adolescent.  Wonderfully powerful pictures.

Jake Aryeh Marcus: "This is What a Nursing Toddler Looks Like"

That oughta do it for today.  Ciao!

The Weaning Decision

I think I’ve finally made up my mind about this weaning business.  This decision has been an emotional rollercoaster filled with questions and uncertainty, so I greatly appreciate all the wonderful commentors who gave me so much information to consider.

I know now that I’m not ready to wean him completely, and that partial weaning is a viable option for us.  I guess I just didn’t know that I could have it both ways because breastfeeding has really run my life over the last year.  But over the last week, Julesy has suddenly started nursing less often and for shorter periods, and because of that, my milk production has drastically decreased.  Last night after Julesy’s big 1st birthday bash, he went to spend the night at Grandma’s house.  He had hardly nursed during the day, and wasn’t interested before he left, so I finally pumped at 1 am and only got about 3 ounces – I usually get 5 or 6 at night.  And, normally I wouldn’t have been able to sleep all night without having to wake up and pump/nurse, or I’d become painfully engorged and develop a plugged duct.  But I did sleep all night, and didn’t pump at all.  I didn’t even pump when I woke up this morning.  I finally nursed Jules when we picked him up at 2 pm, so that means I went 13 hours without expressing any milk -- and nothing terrible happened.  Amazing.

Because of this, I’m not planning on pumping at work this week.  I still have my time slot in the Mother’s Room booked, just in case I feel like I need it, but I’m going to plan on not pumping and see if I can make it.  I haven’t been feeling “full” at work lately, so I think I’ll be okay.

So essentially my “decision” is to turn nursing into something that is casually done whenever I feel like Julesy needs to, or I need to in order to relieve some fullness, but not to try to keep my supply up anymore.  I’m so not a “let’s-see-what-happens” kind of a person, but in this case, that’s just exactly how I’m handling this.  We’ll keep going as long as it’s working and not stressful.  I’d love the breastfeeding relationship to become “oh, I suppose I can nurse him now” rather than “ohmygodohmygodohmygod, I have to nurse him/pump or ohmygod my supply will drop/my breasts will explode/the earth will fall of its axis, etc.”  I just want to take it easy now, and let the chips fall where they may.  That’s the only solution that feels right to me at this point.

Thank you again to everyone who shared their story and offered support.  It truly helped me sort out my feelings about this seemingly monumental decision.

Mommy Guilt - It's all about Perspective

There has been a particularly large volume of anti-lactivist articles and blogs surfacing lately, and I’m trying to make sense of them.  It seems that every mother who formula feeds feels the need to lash out against the women who told her she could/should breastfeed.  It goes the other way too.  Those of us who needed support breastfeeding, and only had formula feeding shoved in our face, are equally as pissed off about the things we were told – even if the person promoting formula feeding was just trying to help.  Perhaps they saw a stressed out mom and thought “Jeez honey, why are you doing this to yourself? … give the kid some Similac and call it a day … you’ll be much happier.” – not knowing that they were unintentionally slapping that woman’s breastfeeding efforts across the face.

It’s not just with breastfeeding though.  This is a strong phenomena in all aspects of natural birthing and mothering.  Some who’ve had c-sections get offended when women talk about natural childbirth.  They loved their c-sections and thought they were necessary, so shut-up-you-stupid-hippy-with-your-stupid-painful-natural-childbirth-nonsense.  And those who are traumatized by their medicated or cesarean births are offended when someone says “It doesn’t matter how the baby came out.”  That’s another big slap in the face.  Those are the kinds of statements that exacerbate the post-partum depression and post-traumatic stress disorder caused by that woman’s traumatic birth experience.  But the person’s intention is to help, so how can you fault them?

Well, as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

A friend/family member/provider can make a comment, and depending on the mother’s perspective, that comment can be taken a number of different ways.  That comment can be seen differently even by the same mother depending on what mood or mind frame she is in.

Example:

Setting: My 1st Pregnancy, 1st prenatal appointment

Midwife: are you going to breastfeed?
Me: Hell No!
Midwife:  Why not?
Me: Because that’s disgusting!
Midwife: You really should think about breastfeeding, here is some information.

(later, to my formula feeding friend)

Me: That midwife was so f*cking mean!!  She practically held me down and forced me to say I would breastfeed!
My Friend: Yuck! I didn’t breastfeed, and you don’t have to either
Me: Thank you, you’re such a good friend!

Fast forward 2 and a half years...

Setting: Pediatrician’s Office – 2nd baby’s 1 week postnatal checkup

Pediatrician: He hasn’t regained his birth weight yet
Me: So? He was born nearly 10 lbs
Pediatrician: Well, we should give him some formula too, just for now
Me: Um, no, that ruined my breastfeeding relationship the first time, I’m not doing that route again
Pediatrician: But I’m really worried about his slow weight gain

(later, to my breastfeeding friends)

Me: That stupid Pediatrician tried to tell me I’m starving my baby!
My Friend: They don’t know what they’re talking about – see, here’s some information – keep breastfeeding, you’re doing great
Me: Thank you, you’re such a good friend.

Do you see what I mean?  I am the same person, just with a different perspective, and that perspective paints each of my interactions with a very different brush.  Was that first midwife forcing me to breastfeed?  No. Was that pediatrician forcing me to formula feed?  No.  But what I heard them say was determined by my OWN feelings about the situation.

So, if you’re feeling guilty over formula-feeding, why not take a step back and determine *why* you feel guilty.  Did that lactation consultant really call you a "shitty mother" because you made the informed decision to quit breastfeeding?  Or is that just what you heard?  No one can make you feel something unless you let them, so if you’re feeling guilty, perhaps you have deeper feelings about breastfeeding or formula feeding than you’d like to admit?  And if you don’t, then you should be happy with your decision – plain and simple.  No one has the ability to go into your head and force your brain to transmit guilt into your soul.  Guilt is self-inflicted.  It’s your conscience telling your brain to consider this decision with care because this one really matters to you.

How about we all put these "wars" into perspective and realize that happiness comes from within.  Make your decision, with information, please, and then be happy with the path you’ve chosen.  If someone has a different opinion, take it for what it is – an opinion – and don’t internalize the chatter unless what they're saying helps support your informed decision.

Then, none of us have anyone to blame for our Mommy Guilt except ourselves.

Things You Should Read Thursday

Did you hear?  Formula-feeding automatically makes you a happier mother?  It also makes you more attactive because breastfeeding ruins your body.  Did you also know that some lactation consultants are so mean they actually coax women to their deaths?

You didn't know all this?

Wait, you didn't know all this???  Perhaps that's because it's not true.  But that's not what these two journalists would have you believe.  So this week's Things You Should Read Thursday highlights two different articles by "Anti-Lactivists" charging breastfeeding with everything from ruining your body to promoting suicide.

Laura Rosen Cohen: Breast is best?
Oh my god, it's so painfully awful to be a breastfeeding mother that, same as Hannah Rosin, this mom does it, but then touts alllll the reasons in the world why it's such a totally useless thing to do.  Spare me.

Daisy Goodwin: The breast is best Gestapo: The 'natural childcare' zealots who make women feel like failures
Here we see a lactation counselor being blamed for a suicidal mother's death.  The author charges that the mother was made to feel like a failure by the LC, and that is why she committed suicide.  Seriously?  That's all it takes to get somebody to off themself?  It couldn't have been that perhaps the mother was suffering from some serious clinical depression brought on either long before she ever had children, or from Post Partum Depression (an affliction, btw, that breastfeeding helps ward off)???  Oy.

I'm so sick of breastfeeding advocates being charged with making mothers feel guilty.  First of all, this is horsecrap.  No one can "make" you feel anything unless you let them.  This is nothing more than projected guilt, and for every single mother who says she was pressured to breastfeed, there is another mother just like her somewhere who says she's being pressured NOT to breastfeed.  In fact, the latter is far more likely.

I'm sure there are a couple thousand AP, Jack-Newman-reading folks who would have me believe that weaning my 1 year old would do serious psychological damage to him.  My opinion?  That is their own psychological damage talking.  And the guilt I feel over possibly weaning is my OWN guilt, and nothing that anyone else has done to me.

Now - If you don't want to learn how to breastfeed easier, why in the world would you call a lactation consultant?  They are there to "consult" you on "lactating."  They are not there to teach you how to bottle feed and absolve you of any guilt you may be feeling over your decision.  I wouldn't hire a plumber to have him talk me out of getting my leaky toilet fixed.

You have a problem - You hire a professional to help you deal with it.  You don't like their advice, then come up with your own solution.  If you feel guilty about your decision, ask yourself why because guilt can ONLY come from within yourself.

The rest of the woman who are desperately seeking out help with breastfeeding issues greatly benefit from those of us willing to be called "Nazi's" for lending our support to their efforts.  Without the "Nazi's" I may have given up breastfeeding my second son, which would have landed me right back in the same depression I felt while I formula fed my first son.

Then who could I hold responsible for my unhappiness as a mother?

To Wean or Not to Wean: That is the Question

My son will be One Year old in 10 days.  Long before I ever got pregnant with him, I said I would breastfeed him for a year.  My older son was barely breastfed for a month, and I have a full time job and a full time class schedule plus a business I run on the side, so breastfeeding for a full year, without any formula supplementation whatsoever, was certainly a lofty goal for this mom.

But I did it.

I suffered through supply crises, plugged ducts, mastitis, and the stress of a pumping schedule that would make most hardcore lactivists cringe.  I sat in stinky toilet stalls at Loyola University and pumped away while the 20 yr old college students wondered what the hell the swooshing noise was coming from the stall.  I revolved my work schedule around my let-downs, and worried every single morning and every single night that I might forget my horns or my bottles or my milk or my Mother’s Room key or my pump and Oh My God, what would happen then?  I cried when I accidentally left a whole day’s worth of pumped milk in my school bag, ruining the entire batch.  I filled myself with Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle, drank disgusting Chinese broths, got acupuncture, and still none of it worked to keep me from worrying that one day I might just dry up, and my plans of breastfeeding for a full year without using any formula whatsoever would be completely ruined.

But even through all of that, I made it.

And I have been anxiously awaiting the day that I could close up shop, pack away the pump, and never have to worry about another plugged duct again.  But now that the time is near, I’m not so sure I’m ready to call it quits.  I have been sick to my stomach over this decision for some time now, so I am soliciting stories, opinions, advice, or support to help me make this decision.  Please, fill up my comments with anything you can think of to help me navigate these crossroads.

Here is my Type A, logical breakdown of the situation:

REASONS TO KEEP NURSING

• I love nursing him, and he loves nursing.
• It’s the one thing I can offer my child that nobody else can, which is important since I’m away from him so much with work and school.
• There are numerous health benefits for continuing to nurse for another year
• I won’t have to go through painful weaning, which will certainly piss him off, and probably cause me some plugged ducts or mastitis along the way
• The WHO recommends breastfeeding for 2 years

REASONS TO WEAN

• I cannot take one more day of managing these breasts.  I miss the days where I didn’t have to constantly worry about them.
• I can’t lay on my stomach or I’ll get a plugged duct. 
• I can’t get more than a few hours of sleep or I’ll get a plugged duct.
• As long as I’m nursing this baby will NEVER SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT (and I’m sorry AP folks, I think babies SHOULD be sleeping through the night at this age, and this whole family is suffering from this baby’s need to use me as a pacifier all night long.  It’s NOT FAIR to any of us anymore.  Judge away, I don’t give a shit – tell Dr. Sears to attempt 18 hour work days, 10 page papers, presentations to Senior VPs, and decorating buttercream Cinderellas all in one day, and let me know if he still thinks a toddler should be keeping him awake all night.)
• I have tried “Night-Weaning” Julesy and that goes over like a fart in church.  He screams bloody murder like we’re ripping him limb from limb until his brother is woken up crying too, and then I finally give in and pop a boob in his mouth.  I suspect that it’s going to be All or Nothing with this kid.
• Sometimes I think he ONLY sees me as “The Boob”.
• I can’t have too much alcohol or I’ll get the baby drunk – I’m not a huge drinker, but god damn, I AM an adult and sometimes this adult would like to be able to have a few glasses of wine without the possibility of being charged with child endangerment.
• I can’t (won’t) get back on Zoloft while I’m nursing, which I’m really starting to feel like I may need again – though this could only be a temporary hormone fluxuation from the breastfeeding slowing down.
• I am completely touched-out all the time, and it really makes me detest being touched by my husband.  Not great for the spirit of the marriage, let me say.
• I want my body back for at least a year before we start trying to get pregnant again.
• The AAP recommends breastfeeding for 1 year – I have done what is asked of me.

So there it is.  I’m not really ready to be done, but I am SO READY TO BE DONE.  Sounds simple, right?  Not so much.

How can I have it both ways?

Thank You Right Back

I want to take the time to highlight an email I recently received, because the contents of this email had me in tears.

Background:  In the fall of 2007, I joined one of those silly Ivillage Expecting Clubs about ten minutes after I got the positive results on my pregnancy test.  I had been in one with Jonas, so why not with Jules.  The beginning of those clubs always start out the same.  Everyone’s giving each other cyber {{hugs}} and high fives over each other’s “BFP” (big fat positive) and discussing symptoms and HCG levels.  Then, someone inevitably asks the question about breastfeeding.  And boy, oh boy, do the gloves come off. 

I was pregnant with my second baby, and by that time I felt like I had a fair amount of knowledge and experience under my belt so I felt compelled to talk about the “issues.”  Even though the issues on every expecting club are exactly the same, the tone of the board is set by the first women to visit it, or even by majority rule.  In my last expecting club with Jonas, the board was super breastfeeding heavy.  So, without thinking it would be that much of an issue, I offered my trademark honest, frank, and caring opinion about the subject on the new board.  Almost immediately, I became the Town A-Hole.    Had it been another board, on another day, my comments probably would have gone completely unchallenged.  As it was – I was The First Lactivist in the May 08 expecting club.  That set the tone for my entire existence on that board.  Gina The A-Hole.  When I wanted a VBAC, I was an A-Hole.  When I posted a funny picture (however subjectively appropriate or inappropriate), I was the A-Hole.  It was inescapable.  Sometimes I really was an A-Hole.  But how much of it was me living up the title, and how much of it was me being misunderstood?  I’ll never know.

But then something miraculous happened.  A few of the gals, who I originally annoyed the piss out of with my lactivism, had a change of heart.  They themselves became breastfeeders.  One of them had formula-fed her first son, and had every intention to do the same with the next baby, but changed her mind after a particularly intense debate with me.

18 months later, that mom sent me the following email this week:

My little (baby) will be One tomorrow and I felt compelled to write you an email.  I felt I needed to write to you so I could thank you.  Thank you for encouraging me to share the deepest bond unimaginable with my child.  Thank you for pointing out the benefits of breastmilk, my son has not had an ear infection, and we can count the colds he has had on one hand.  Thank you for lowering my risk of cancer as well as so many other health problems.  Thank you for opening my eyes to life outside of what I know and to take a chance and tell others to mind their own business because I do what is best for my child.  Thank you for making me a lactivist.  Thank you.  Tomorrow marks one wonderful year of breastfeeding.  I started with the short goal of 6 weeks and made it this far.  He is even tipping the scales at almost 25 pounds.  Clogged ducts, vasospasms, bleeding, engorgement... nothing could make me stop this one perfect thing I could do for my son.  I don't plan on stopping either.  He can choose.  Your guidance, wisdom, and knowledge are so greatly appreciated.  I hope you have a wonderful day.

Now for those of you who don’t know me, this entire post may seem like an exercise in narcissism. 

In bravado. 

In the “tooting-of-one’s-own-horn,” you might say. 

But those who do know me know just how habitually insecure I am.  When I am called the bad guy, or made to feel hurtful and mean with my candor, I take it all very, very personally.  I feel like I’m a despicable excuse for a human being whose mouth simply brings pain to those who’ve had the bad fortune of being caught in my path.

So this email is important to me.  I’m happy for her.  I’m happy for her baby.  And I’m happy for myself because without this email, I may have second-guessed my comments on that board for the rest of my life - cause Lord knows I never forget anything.  But at least one person was positively impacted by my comments.  And that’s enough for me.

Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 4

Wow, I can’t believe I’m already on Week Four of “Things You Should Read.”  I hope everyone is enjoying it as much as I am!  I’ll have a much, much more personal post later tonight or tomorrow.  I’m still working out my feelings about that one.

First Up!

Lois Rogers: Mothers stay trim with drug to stop breast milk
This first article is so rage-inducing as a feminist and a mother that I can hardly stomach it.  It's an article about how some British women are taking a drug to stop lactation to "stay fit" because breastfeeding is such an ugly and useless thing, according to them.

“My breasts are for my husband,” said one 35-year-old French mother of twins who lives in Britain. “He wouldn’t like me feeding the babies and I don’t want to end up with a chest like a cow.”

Aaaaaaaaaaand, what do I always say again?  Right.  Women Are the Problem with Women.  I suppose my vagina is my husband's property too, so why not just let him do whatever he wants with it?  Perhaps I can make it removable so he can take it on business trips with him.  I mean, after all - it is HIS vagina.  We wouldn't want it sitting around getting bled on and peed on - not when I signed over papers to him on the day of our wedding.  "Here you go, Husband, here is the deed to my breasts and vagina.  I will refrain from using them without your sole, expressed permission..."

Ughgh.

Moving On!

Morgan Gallagher: The Case Against Reasoning
Another rebuttal to the Rosin article, but this one takes a bit different approach.  It's looooong, looooong, looooooooooong, BUT it's worth it just for the pictures alone. Oh, how we forget that doctors were advertising cigarettes just a short half-century ago.  This collection of adverts is both hilarious and horrifying.  I've only managed to read it in pieces, but it is highly intelligent and thought provoking.  I've heard Morgan called "The Quintessential Lactivist" by some Tweeters, so if you're a lactivist, get acquainted with her blog.

Happy Reading!

Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 3

I’m drowning in things to get done so today’s list will be short and sweet.

Jennifer Block:  “The Backlash to Breast is Best; Why exactly is breastfeeding under attack?”
Yet another rebuttal to the now infamous Rosin article, but I think Jennifer has said it better than most.  A good read.

Amity Reed: “Not a Happy Birthday”
Long before I had ever heard the term “BirthRape,” I felt like what happened to me during my cesarean was definitely a form of rape.  It was traumatizing beyond all explanation, and it all just felt very, very wrong.  Now the term has grown in popularity, and Reed’s article does an excellent job of explaining it to those who may not understand how women like myself can apply such an ugly word to such an otherwise beautiful thing.

Those two articles are heavily substantive.  Away, be gone now, to soak them in.

"Things You Should Read" Thursday

This will be the first in a series of weekly installments I am dubbing "Things You Should Read Thursday" in which I post the stories and articles of the week that made my heart go pitter-patter.

First Up - A Birth Story:

HBA2C, 45+ Weeks gestation, 11 lb, 12 oz baby
This mother chose an HBA2C after her the local doctors and hospitals refused to let her try a VBAC or a gentler cesarean (not being separated from baby, etc.)  She also had a "T" incision with one of her cesareans.  She went 5 weeks post dates, and delivered a (nearly) 12 lb baby without so much as a single tear. (thank you to Unnecesarean for finding this one.)

Next Up - I know many of you are probably sick of hearing about Hannah Rosin's article, but I personally enjoy every tongue-lashing she receives over it - particularly those from the important or influential.  I admit that I sadistically revel in the beating of a dead horse, until it rolls over and admits that it was wrong. (And for those of you wearing tight panties, no, I am not calling Rosin a horse anymore than Obama was calling Palin a pig.  Umm.. Err... Ahem.)  Either way, I will continue to denounce this article until The Atlantic, GMA, and Rosin herself come forward issue retractions, and apologize for all they've done to undermine mothers and breastfeeding. 

And I get by with a little help from my smart friends...

Peggy O'Mara: Case Closed, Breast is Best
Peggy writes a compelling piece on the facts, and tells Rosin "Slandering breastfeeding because our society makes it inconvenient is like vacillating on equal pay for women because it's difficult to achieve."  Go Peggy.

Kimya Dawson: The Case FOR Breastfeeding
Before several Twitter friends directed me to this article, I had never heard of this singer/songwriter.  I can't keep up with what the kids are listening to these days.  But reading this article actually made my milk let down. This artist's song was used without permission by Rosin in her podcast, and when the artist (who also hated Rosin's article) found out, the gloves came off.  I want to hug her.

Go forth and enjoy these quality pieces of writing.

What a Ridiculous Day

My day started out sucky at 2 a.m. - and it has only gotten worse.  I must have done something bad for the universe to be this pissy with me.

    Sucky Incident #1 - 2:00 AM: The only three times in the last year that I have gotten a decent stretch of sleep (and by decent I mean 4-5 hours) I have awoken each time with a plugged milk duct.  The second time, I got mastitis, which is something I honestly would not wish on my very worst enemy.  The strange part is that I can easily go 6-7 hours between pumping when I'm awake without even getting all that engorged.  But g*d forbid I get an ounce of sleep.  I have come to think of plugged ducts as my punishment for getting a tiny bit more rest than the universe apparently wants me to have.

So last night I woke up at 2 a.m. with a rock hard wedge in my right breast.  I poked John and told him to go get Julesy so I could nurse him.  Well, after Julesy drained the rest of the breast, the rock hard wedge was just that much more pronounced.  I went to look in the bathroom mirror and I could actually see it then.  My boob looked half deflated.  I went back in the bedroom and told Huz to feel it and as soon as he touched it he jumped back and said "Holy crap!"  So, I jumped in the tub and started trying to work it out, like I did the first time this happened (the time I didn't get mastitis).  Luckily this time I knew exactly what I was looking for, and I located the little white sliver right away. It only took a few seconds of squeezing and it popped out, then the geiser of milk flowed behind it.  The most insane thing happened next -- it KEPT shooting out.  I wasn't milking myself at all, I just cupped my breast on either side and watched it shoot out a stream of breastmilk halfway across the tub for 8 or 9 straight minutes (I was watching the clock.)  Imagine if you filled a water balloon and stuck a tiny pinhole in it.  It would shoot out a little pin-sized stream of water until he was completely deflated.  That's exactly what my breast did.  Man, these are some weird-ass parts we females have.

After the geiser died down, I got out of the bathtub, pumped 5 more ounces, then laid in bed for another hour and a half unable to sleep.

Sucky Incident #2 - 7:30 AM:  When I woke up with Julesy this morning, I realized his eye was almost swollen shut.  It was looking kind of bruised yesterday and the day before, but we thought it might just be an irritation from allergies, and decided to keep an eye on it to see if it got worse. Well, this morning, it was much, much worse.  He looked like a boxer.  So we rushed around calling the doctor, seeing what could be done, then getting him ready to go to the doctor with Grandma while we had to go off to work.*

Sucky Incident #3 - 9:00 AM:  I get to work, open my backpack, and realize I don't have my laptop with me.  My company-issued, only-computer-I-have-at-work laptop; the laptop that I absolutely must have in order to complete any work at all.  I was so distracted by the puffy-eyed baby that I completely forgot to put my laptop in my backpack.  Since I'm all the way downtown, I know it will take me a few hours back and forth (dependant on the train schedule) to go home and retrieve it. Crap!

I called MIL to see if she was already on her way to the doctor, thinking she might be able to bring it to me.  She was already on her way, but offered to turn around and bring it to me.  Since I knew she was already running late for the doctor, and since I didn't want to make her drag the kids all the way downtown, I decided just to tell my boss about the missing laptop and see what she suggested.  Luckily she'd had the same thing happen to her some months back.  She told me that our technical center had loaners they could give me for the day - so that's what I'm typing on now.  Of course I'm missing some files I need to get some things completed, but all-in-all I can live without my own laptop for just one day.

It's 11 a.m.  How much worse could it get today?  I have a midterm tonight.  Perhaps I'll bomb it and wrap up this day on the same sour note it started on.

Wish me luck...

_______________________

*BTW, it turns out Julesy's swollen eye is from an ear infection - the infection spread from his sinuses, into his ear, and caused the fluid to build up behind his eye.  crazy. Some antibiotics have been prescribed to treat the mess.

Feminism is Not my Religion

Some feminists claim that feminism is about supporting other women's choices unconditionally and without judgment. I disagree wholeheartedly.
 
I believe feminism is about equality.  Nothing less.  Nothing more.  I do not believe feminism requires supporting any choice a woman makes regardless of its context or consequence. The blind support of a person or action based solely a shared ideology, without critical thought, is nothing more than a religion.  Or... some might call it a cult.

Great feminists have defined feminism time and again:

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings"
~Cheris Kramerae, author of A Feminist Dictionary, 1996.

"Feminism is the advocacy of political, economic and social equality between women and men."
~Feminist Majority Foundation

"A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men."
~Gloria Steinem, founder of Ms. Magazine, leader of the Women's Movement.

Nowhere in those three statements does it say “Feminism is about limitless choice.” I do not believe Feminism is simply about “choice” though it can sometimes be about the right to make certain choices, especially choices that support equality.  However, if those choices undermine equality for every woman, good luck getting support from me. 

A good example of a real choice: the choice between working or staying home.  Both have risks and benefits, and no science has ever proven that one is universally better than the other.  It’s about what works for you and your family.  Neither one is more feminist than the other.  Neither decision undermines equality or our gender.

Another good example of choice: the right to carry, or terminate, an unwanted pregnancy.  What is right for that woman depends entirely on her own circumstances and capabilities.  No one will ever know if she would have been better off taking a different path (though I openly admit that I loathe abortion and decided against one for myself.)  I will always support choice in this area.

But, do you really believe every woman’s every “choice” should be supported?  Tell me you’ve never seen a woman, 9-months pregnant, sucking on a Marlboro Red, and thought to yourself “Oh my god, that is disgusting!”  Is it her choice to choke her unborn fetus with cigarette smoke?  Sure it is!  Do you support that choice?  Are you going to walk up to her and say “Way to go!  Smoke another one for me!”  I bet you a thousand dollars you won’t.  You judge it, just like I do, and don't try to tell me you don't.  It is repulsive, and it’s okay to say that.  Several states have laws against smoking in a car with children in it.  This is a good case of legislating parenting.  Smoking itself isn't illegal, but being a bad parent can be.  Some things clearly undermine public health and our society, and I’ll be the first to say so regardless if a man is doing it or a woman is doing it.  I will not support some things, and feminism (a.k.a. gender equality) does not require me to.

The other problem with calling everything a “choice” is that it reduces anything we are to being simply a personal choice.  All the sudden, just being a woman is now a "choice" that is open to debate and possibly legislation by others.  It has already happened with birthing and breastfeeding – two things that are completely owned by women, and yet are continually being snuffed out by the Cash Cow Corporations whose vested interest lies in pushing c-sections and formula.  And the best part of that?  They convince you they’ve done you a favor!  You’ve been “liberated” by being chained to The Man.  Nice going.

I am a female mammal; vaginal birth is not a choice, rather, it is the way nature designed my child to be birthed from my body - a design that even our modern scientific research has proven to be the healthiest possible way for a baby to be born.*  Why?  Because it does not require new-fangled technology.  It is natural.

I am a female mammal; breastfeeding is not a choice.  It is how our offspring was meant to be fed - an act that modern scientists and economists have proven is the best possible way to feed our babies.* Why? Because it does not require new-fangled, chemically comprised mystery liquids.  It is natural.

But calling these things “choices” leaves the opportunity for others to say that you could have made an “alternate choice” -- and because you didn’t, you should suffer the sacrifices of that “choice” and not look for any special considerations.  And this opens the door for discriminating against mothers simply for being mothers – which is the one basic biological function that is exclusive to the female gender.

Let me illustrate.  Our country says you are allowed the freedom to pray to whatever God you want.  To truly honor that freedom, we must allow or citizens to recognize their religion in whatever way they believe is necessary, and we all work around it.  But what if, by the same stroke, those who recognized Yom Kippur, for example, were told it was their “choice” to be Jewish, therefore they were not allowed a day off work to recognize the holiday?  That’s not equality.  You cannot claim to be equal if you are still being punished for what you are.

Equality does not mean “sameness.”  Equality does not mean trading off your feminine biology to become a pseudo man.  Equality means taking us for what we are; and that includes the accommodations that must be made to allow mothers to mother the next generation of people the best way possible.

But let’s take this in another direction.  Do you hear MEN typing around the blogosphere about how they should support all choices other men make?  When a man does something against nature and intelligent evidence, do you hear other men chiming in saying “Hey man, being a man is about choice!”  No, you don’t.  And you don’t hear them criticizing and undermining each other because of the very things that make them male.  In fact, anything that is inherently male is usually celebrated and protected.  They don’t tell each other they should cut off their manhood to be “equal” and sell that manhood to corporations and special interest groups to be “free” from their male-ness.  They’re not looking for an escape hatch.  And they’re not apologetic about what they are.  And most importantly, they don’t claim that civil equality requires them all to hold hands and agree with every choice every one of them makes.

If you want equality, then allow female brains to think critically and make sound judgments about issues facing our society – just like men have been doing, unapologetically, since the beginning of time.

You do what you want, and I’ll reserve the right to agree or disagree with it.  If what you’re doing is universally questionable, I’ll disagree loudly with it.  And at no point in time will I ever feel like I am under some obligation to support you because we share a chromosome.

My only obligation, as a card-carrying feminist, is to support and advocate for that which promotes gender equality.  That is all.

_____________________________________

*clearly I mean in normal, healthy situations. There are exceptions to everything in this universe.

My Response to "Ban the Breastpump"

I don't have the mental energy to deal with this today - so all I'm going to say is if you try to take my breastpump away before my baby turns a year old, I'll break your fucking arm, lady.

My husband has seen me pump 5 minutes before sex, and immediately afterwards, and has still wanted me more than he ever had prior to me becoming a mother.

If your husband can't stand to have sex with you because he's seen you pump, then stop pumping.  But I'd also suggest getting a new, less douche-baggy husband while you're at it because the current one is bound to come up with another reason to find you unattractive in the future; pumping or no pumping.

"Who could blame [your husband] for never wanting to sleep with you again?" she says, in reference to pumping, in her immature podcast with two cackling friends and no dignity.

So, let's all ignore the fact that she's really telling us that her husband finds it difficult to sleep with her.  Instead let's blame his disinterest on the fact that she's a mother; a mother doing the best for her child.

Ladies, ya'll need to start marrying a better class of man.

I maintain, women really are the problem with women.

___________________________________________

*Friday rant concluded - stay tuned for next week's rant about ICAN chapter leaders who have their own agendas.*

15 Formula Brands Found Tainted with Dangerous Chemical

I don't know how many more reasons you need to stay away from formula, but add this one to the top of the heap...

Powdered Cow’s Milk Formula Contains Thyroid Toxin
By Anila Jacob, M.D., M.P.H., April 2009

Researchers from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) have reported that 15 brands of powdered infant formula are contaminated with perchlorate, a rocket fuel component detected in drinking water in 28 states and territories.

The two most contaminated brands, made from cow’s milk, accounted for 87 percent of the U.S. powdered formula market in 2000, the scientists said.

The CDC scientists did not identify the formula brands they tested.

The little-noticed CDC findings, published in the March 2009 edition of the Journal of Exposure Science and Environmental Epidemiology, raise new concerns about perchlorate pollution, a legacy of Cold War rocket and missile tests. Studies have established that the chemical is a potent thyroid toxin that may interfere with fetal and infant brain development (Kirk 2006).

The CDC team warned that mixing perchlorate-tainted formula powder with tap water containing “even minimal amounts” of the chemical could boost the resulting mixture’s toxin content above the level the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) considers safe. Many scientists contend that the EPA “safe” level is too high to protect public health.

(continue reading on Environmental Working Group website...)

TAKE ACTION HERE: http://www.ewg.org/Rocket-Fuel-In-Infant-Formula/TakeAction

How Do I Wean a 1 yr Old?

I have roughly six weeks left until Julesy's 1st birthday.  That's D-Day.  Wean Day.

I know some of you are probably just about to post in the comments "but why wean now?" and "the WHO recommends 2 years" etc., etc.  And, while I really appreciate the support, and you know I love you girls, seriously, just shut the fuck up with that shit.

I know all about it.  Five minutes on my blog will tell you what a Lactivist I am.  And five more minutes will tell you I'm a woman who works away from home 10 hours a day, sits in class until 10 pm at night, gets home at 11:15 pm, then sometimes stays up until 2 am making cakes for my other business.  This is all while operating on almost NO sleep because my infant son has me up all night nursing at his every whim.

One year is my limit.  One year of exclusive breastfeeding, with a schedule like mine, is enough.  It's far more than most moms do.  It's all the AAP recommends.

I recently entertained the idea of giving up the pumping at work on his birthday, but then continuing to nurse him at home.  But, I've decided against that too.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I love nursing him.  It's fulfilling.  It's incredibly bonding.  I really do love it.  But the problem is that Jules is just too attached to me.  Now quiet down, "Attachment Parenting" folks.  Yes, sometimes there IS such a thing as being too attached.  This baby has to learn to work within this family structure, and right now he's keeping the entire family up (Jonas included) with his constant need to use me as a pacifier every 2 hours or so.  I've found a way to co-sleep and nurse just enough to avoid being committed to an institution, but it is NOT a long term sleep solution, and it is NOT something I am going to continue past May 16th.

Right now I'm not sleeping, even though he is, because I know that he will be awake, like clockwork, in about another 10 minutes to nurse.  There is no point to falling asleep.  My body will not allow it.  My body truly cannot shut itself down when it knows the hour glass is about to run out.

If I didn't have to get up in the morning and give presentations to VPs, or sit in class at 9:30 at night focused on the finer details of "MLA citation" or "Communications Technologies", or pipe a buttercream Cinderella onto a cake at 1:40 in the morning, then perhaps I could afford to be a sleep deprived zombie for another year or two. 

But I can't.  And I won't.  So please... PLEASE... somebody tell me: How do I wean a 1 year old who screams bloody murder if a boob isn't popped into his mouth the very second he rises from a slumber?  I'm open to suggestions.

Rebecca Romijn Breastfeeding Twins - and Working

I took a much needed vacation day - and by "vacation" I mean a day away from the 9-5 job so I could finish a cake for my other job which was due today. While the boys were at the park with their Grandma I took a break to eat and turned on the TV. 

I was half-watching Martha Stewart when Jerry O'Connell came on to talk about his twins.  He revealed on the show that his wife is still exclusively breastfeeding their 3 month old twins, and also working.  Wow.  I have to say I'm thoroughly impressed.  Many of the moms with twins that I've known have always talked like breastfeeding twins was nearly impossible.  They always say they just didn't make enough milk, etc.  Of course many of us believe that the body will make all the milk your babies need as long as you keep at it, get the support you need, and don't supplement. And according to Jerry she is not supplementing at all, and when he asked her about using formula she said "absolutely NO formula" right now.  Good for her.

I also wonder what Rebecca thought of Rosin's article since she is working a very long hours on a hit TV show AND breastfeeding twins, all while "not complaining" according to Jerry.

I suppose some could argue that being a celebrity, she must have access to so much help that it's somehow easier for her to breastfeed. But, I don't buy that argument.  Many of us who aren't celebs do it too.  And I've spent quite enough of my own time in celeb-land to know that most of the way people see the celebrity life is purely fictional.  It's really not all it's cracked up to be.  I bet she's struggling to make it all work the same way the rest of us are.  All the money in the world can't take away the work involved in exclusively breastfeeding while working.  And good for her for staying strong when so many others would have thrown in the towel.

So, I think I'll use this example the next time I stumble across someone who uses having twins as a reason/excuse for giving up breastfeeding.  If Romijn can do it, it can obviously be done.  Whether or not to do it is a personal choice - but it's clearly not impossible.

How I Helped Nursing Moms in my Workplace

I'm going to give myself a little pat on the back for all the work I've recently done to help make my company more breastfeeding/pumping friendly.

In November, I realized that the other mom sharing the Mother's Room with me was lugging her pump back and forth to work every day.  Since I had to learn about the company-provided hospital-grade breast pump by sheer accident, it occurred to me that she may not know that the pump in the room was for her to use as well.

I approached her about it, and she didn't know, but was thrilled to find this out. We realized that neither one of us was really equipped with all the information we needed about the pumping facilities before we returned from leave.  There was a lot of trial and error.  We also realized that we were both having the same supply issues, and that talking about it with someone else really helped keep us motivated and informed.

I took the initiative, and put together a comprehensive pumping guide complete with maps and instructions for all our company's (3) Mother's Rooms, information on where to acquire the pump parts necessary to use the pumps, and links to breastfeeding resources.  I even instituted a "Mother's Room Mentor" program, offering myself as the mentor for my floor.  Within a week, moms from the other two floors volunteered for their rooms as well.

I sent the pumping guide to Human Resources, and they were thrilled.  None of the girls in HR have ever used the "Mother's Rooms" so they were unsure how to tell new moms about the facilities, and even a little embarrassed to talk about it with them.  Now they include the guide with all the rest of the forms and literature given to a pregnant mom before she goes on maternity leave, and a copy is available on our company intranet.  In return I received a very appreciative email from HR, which is always nice.

A few weeks later when another mom joined us in the room, we realized that we were having a hard time coordinating our pumping schedules, especially because all 3 of us get caught up in meetings all day and sometimes need to miss our scheduled pump time.  We were sending constant emails back and forth trying to re-work our pump times, which caused undue stress and took time away from other tasks.

So I went to HR and our technical operations center and asked them to set up the Mother's Rooms in the Outlook meeting system so we could book the room electronically through Outlook, just like we do any other meeting room.  HR approved the request, and after all the details were worked out, I got another nice email from HR  saying that they appreciated everything I was  doing to help them help the moms who need those rooms.

I thought my work was done, but then last week I stumbled on the U.S. Department of Health's series of brochures called "The Business Case for Breastfeeding."  I forwarded the link to HR and they ordered copies for the office and for the Mother's Rooms, and again, I got a big thank you.

I may not be at my company much longer, but it feels really, really good that I could have a positive impact on the other moms who currently use the pump rooms, and all the mothers who come after us.  I truly think this will help some moms pump longer, and maybe help some who didn't even realize that pumping where we work was an option.

So, this is my over-achieving, Type-A, too-hard-on-myself personality stopping for a moment and saying to myself "Good job, Gina.  Nice work."

_________________________________________________

UPDATED:

Upon request I have added the document I created for my company. 

Download Mothers Room Info-Breastfeeding (1.36 MB PDF)

Feel free to use these as a guide in creating your own Mother's Room materials.  It is also important to order some fee copies of The Business Case For Breastfeeding to have on hand as well.

I Think This is Them Telling You to Shut It.

Hannah Rosin's article against breastfeeding has gotten quite a bit of attention from bloggers.  Thankfully, it also came to the attention of the scientific researchers who can prove that her statements were not only false, but also potentially damaging.

Here we have the response from the American Academy of Pediatrics:

"Letters to the editor
The Atlantic
Submitted via email

In the article, "The Case Against Breast-Feeding" by Hanna Rosin, the author skims the literature and has omitted many recent statements including the 2005 statement of the American Academy of Pediatrics which supports the value of breastfeeding for most infants. This policy references every statement with scientific evidence from over 200 articles which meet scientific standards for accuracy and rigor. The statement was meticulously reviewed by the Section on Breastfeeding, the Committee on Nutrition and numerous other committees and approved by the Board of Directors of the Academy. Breastfeeding and Maternal and Infant Health Outcomes in Developed Countries, a study released by the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality (the AHRQ Report) strongly supports the evidence of benefits demonstrated in the breastfeeding research. The evidence for the value of breastfeeding is scientific, it is strong, and it is continually being reaffirmed by new research work. The American Academy of Pediatrics encourages women to make an informed decision about feeding their infants based on scientifically established information from credible resources.

David T. Tayloe, Jr., MD, FAAP
President - American Academy of Pediatrics"

Here we have a response from the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine (excerpt):

"Breastfeeding offers irrefutable and long-lasting health benefits for both mother and baby, which are supported by a comprehensive body of scientific research, including original articles and reviews such as those in Breastfeeding Medicine, the peer-reviewed journal of the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine (ABM) The Academy is a global organization of physicians dedicated to the promotion, protection and support of breastfeeding through education, research, and advocacy (www.bfmed.org).

According to leaders of the Academy, despite a sound scientific basis for the advantages of breastfeeding, dissenting opinions that aim to discredit breastfeeding, and question its relevance for women, receive exposure in the mass media such as the recent article in The Atlantic. Critics of breastfeeding do a disservice to new mothers around the world who seek the facts about the proven health benefits of breastfeeding as they often misrepresent the scientific findings and wrongly base global recommendations on the experiences and views of select groups of women.

Clinical and basic science research supports the role of breastfeeding in the development of a baby’s immune system and the presence of maternal antibodies protect infants against infection. Artificial feeding is also associated with increased risk of common disorders of early childhood such as ear infections, asthma, skin disorders, digestive problems, and respiratory tract infections. Studies have also linked artificial feeding to increased risk for obesity, type 1 and 2 diabetes, childhood leukemia, sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), and necrotizing enterocolitis. Mothers benefit as well, and a history of breastfeeding has been associated with a reduced risk of type 2 diabetes and of breast and ovarian cancer."

Now, to the bloggers and commenters who supported Rosin's article, I ask you, how in the world do you reconcile this?  How do you look at scientific evidence, supported by every, and I mean every medical organization out there and still say that the jury is out?

What is really going on there?  What are you really arguing against?

I can understand a woman not wanting to breastfeed for whatever her personal reason may be.  I can also see (and greatly sympathize) with any woman who really was not able to breastfeed.  Those are understandable things, to me.  But to deny the evidence, and spread inaccurate and potentially damaging information is, to me, totally inexcusable.  This is not a matter of opinion, Ms. Rosin.  These are facts.  "Irrefutable" facts, according to the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine.  You're not helping anybody by sounding like a wacka-doodle who's pissed at her husband for leaving her at home with the kids.

If you don't want to breastfeed, or hate your husband because he isn't feeding your baby, then please, write an article about that.  But next time you decide to denouce science and a woman's ability to hold gainful employment while nursing, you ought to do a little homework first.

How will we ever undo the damage you have probably already caused with your falsehoods?  I'd love to track the trend and see how many cans of formula were purchased in the week after your article came out.  I'd love to know how many mothers threw in the towel because you told them they were wasting their time breastfeeding, weren't good feminists, or couldn't do anything "meaningful" in their place of employment while being a nursing mom.  If it's as many as I think it is - you should be held accountable.  If it's not as many, then congratulations to all the Moms who saw past her rant and thought critically about this issue.

I think that's all I have to say about that.

No Sight More Beautiful

In the spirit of this week filled with breastfeeding conversations and controversies - here is a picture of my gorgeous, fat, healthy, 10 month old breastfed boy.

There's a Name for It - "Equally Shared Parenting"

In the past few days -- due to a combination of me joining Twitter, and simultaneously stumbling into a whole new world of awesome mommy bloggers thanks to the ridiculous Rosin article -- I have been more informed and exposed than I have been in a very long time.

I found a wonderful site called "Blacktating" - the title alone makes me thing this woman is incredibly smart and funny.

I found a site called PhD in Parenting which led me to many other feminist/mothering sites that I wish I had found years ago.

But I think the biggest surprise of all was finding a website called Equally Shared Parenting, run by a mother and a father who, well, as the title suggests: equally share parenting duties.  Isn't that an interesting idea. (<--note the period, not a question mark.)

The thing is that the Hyphenated Husband and I have been doing this "Shared Parenting" for 3 years.  We shared pregnancy, as much as that is physically possible.  He read all the books he could, and tried his hardest to help me navigate the rough pregnancy waters.  We shared the birth, as much as that physically possible.  He studied Bradley coaching, and fought for me in the hospital when the doctors tried to cut me open the second time - and we won that battle, thanks largely to Husband.  And parenting has always been BOTH of our responsibilities.  Even breastfeeding is shared between us.  No, of course Husband isn't putting the baby to his breast, but he's doing pretty much everything else.  He cleans all the bottles and packs them up for me to take to work every day.  He puts the milk away when we come home.  If I need to pump at home, he sets everything up for me and then puts everything away when I'm done.  If Julesy needs to nurse at night, Husband brings him into our room, and takes him back when I'm done.  Since I'm the one actually making food with my own body, managing the equipment is really the least the Husband can do.

Cooking, cleaning, diaper changes, laundry, and childrearing are also things we share.  Why?  Because it's both of our house, both of our kids, and both of our responsibility to keep things running smoothly.  He didn't marry a maid or a nanny.  He married a feminist, and he wouldn't have it any other way.  The man hyphenated his last name with mine, so even our name-change was "equally shared."

Now, I realize that many women live in households where their husbands just sort of come and go as they please, play golf on the weekends with their buddies, and wouldn't do a dish or change a diaper to save their own life.  But I certainly would never be married to that type of man.  I have a hard enough time putting up with this man, and he's about as great as they come.

I'm so happy to see that this modern movement has a name - and a website filled with great advice to help couples achieve this parenting style.  But I think it really just boils down to what a woman will put up with.  If you don't mind being a Single Mom with a husband, then a-okay.  But if changing every single diaper and doing every single feeding is not your idea of fairness, then it's time to talk to the man about "Equally Shared Parenting."  Tell the husband to put down the video game controller and get it together.  ESP is where it's at.  As the website says, it's "half the work, all the fun."