The Feminist Breeder

VIDEO: Mother Dropped by OB at 40 Weeks Pregnant

An Alternative Feminist Perspective on the Twilight Saga

I love the Stephanie Meyers’s Twilight Series.  There, I said it.

I’ve read all four books, plus the unreleased “Edward version” of Twilight.  I also own the movie, and my adoring husband already pre-purchased my tickets for “New Moon” when he was being extra thoughtful one day.  I’ve made two custom Twilight cakes for customers (<------one pictured here) and I’ll go so far as to admit I own an Edward Cullen shoulder bag.   Okay, so maybe I even almost lifted a full size Edward Cullen cutout from the Hot Topic at Yorktown Mall.  Go ahead and laugh your ass off, I’m not ashamed.  That character makes me feel like I’m in heat for the first time in... wait...how old is my son?  That’s right - 3 years, 3 months, and 3 days.  That’s how long it’s been since I wanted to rub myself against someone.

But, it seems that few in the feminist community share my love for this series.  It downright pisses the ladies off.   I get it... I really do.  You have a hapless female lead who’s tripping all over own feet - until along comes a beautiful, mysterious man who rescues her from herself.  Problem is, he could kill her quicker than she could scream “domestic violence” and he controls every move she makes in an order to “protect” her from others.  But even though he’s lethal, she’s madly in love with him and becomes suicidal when he tries to leave her.  She lusts after him incessantly, but he denies all her advances for fear that she will corrupt him. She then ultimately sacrifices her life in order to be with him because being his partner is all she dreams of doing with the rest of her days.

Wow... sounds like a super functional relationship, right?  Is it any wonder that the feminists are angry?

Well, I see it a little differently.  We’re talking about literature here.  It’s Art.  Fiction.  It’s not oppressing anybody.  So, Why so serious, ladies?

I suppose that some could argue that this book tells impressionable young girls, who are the Twilight saga’s core audience, that Bella and Edward’s relationship is somehow a model of what real loving relationships should look like.  I definitely wouldn’t want my teen thinking that that.  But come on – since when did art have to be anything but an outlet?  Since when did fiction have to be anything but an expression of fantasy?  Books are meant to be an escape into a different world.  Meyers is not trying to indoctrinate our youth.  She simply had a fantastic story to tell, and it happened to have resonated with young, hormonal girls (and desperate housewives all over this country.)

I fear that the people who make the moral or feminist argument against this series are also the same people who claim that Marilyn Manson causes teens to shoot up libraries.   Rock music does not make monsters out of children, and Stephanie Meyers’s Twilight series is not going to single-handedly turn our bright, feminist daughters into Stepford wives.  If your teen daughter does not know what a healthy, loving relationship looks like, then you’ve got bigger problems than Meyers writing a few novels of questionable literary value.

It’s a book.  Before you go burning it, decide whether you really want to be burning other female authors’ works simply because you do not find them entertaining. 

I, for one, like escaping into a world where lust, danger, love, action, adventure, and mystery can be wrapped up into a one series that makes me feel the orgasmic aching of Passion again.  Can't you just see the sizzle coming off that word?  Remember, the fleeting hot love that existed before babies and mortgages and washing machine repairs extinguished any fire in your loins?  These books are an indulgence, and I think Meyers hit herself a home run with these stories.

And that is The Feminist Breeder’s word on it.

Now discuss..........

Women are the Problem with Women

It’s been happening since the beginning of time.  Women stand in the way of their own progress.  When some women fought for the right to vote, other women opposed women suffrage – even going so far as releasing pamphlets like this one stating all the reasons why women should not have the right to vote.  Yeah…. WOMEN did that.

When some women fought for the right to hold a job without being subjected to sexual harassment and sexual violence, other women told those ladies to sit down and shut up, because they had jobs and they should count themselves lucky.  

And while some women fight for the right to safe, legal access to family planning services, other women fight to criminalize any woman who needs or wants these services.   

But today, there is a newly realized (but not newly practiced) form of social humiliation and injustice for women: Birth Rape.  And like with everything else, some women want to make these women victims all over again by denying that such thing exists.  

Birth rape is a term that many women apply to the treatment they may have suffered under the care of a maternity provider who forced, coerced, and/or threatened their way into a woman’s genitals without her expressed permission.  Make no mistake – this is a criminal act.  A woman whose provider performs procedures on her against her will is in violation of the law and the AMA and ACOG Codes of Ethics.  It is grounds for criminal assault charges, malpractice filings and loss of license.  Even in cases where a women may not suffer any long-term physical damage from the act, these incidents can cause extreme physical and emotional trauma on a woman.  These events can cause a woman to develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or suffer from long term anxiety, depression, and fear.  These events should not be tolerated by a civilized society.  

But they are.  Why?  Because some women refuse to acknowledge the suffering.  Instead, they blame the mother for her feelings.  They tell her “at least you had a healthy baby, who cares what happened in the process?”  They so eloquently tell her to “shut the fuck up” when she talks about her genitals being forcibly touched, entered, or even cut open.  They tell her that she is not allowed to call what happened to her “rape” – and that her attacker “had the best of intentions” so they couldn’t possibly be to blame.  They marginalize her – the way women have always done to other women when they don’t understand, empathize, or care what has been done to them.  It is too difficult to see the truth, so they choose not to.  

But don't get me wrong - A woman does not have to experience any negative feelings from a cesarean, or any other type of birth for that matter.  Furthermore, a mother does not have to experience any type of forced non-consensual treatment to feel a great sense of loss or depression over an unhappy birth experience.  A mother is entitled to feel anything she needs to about the birth she had.  It is HER birth.  HER feelings.  HER right.   

But so many women will not allow a mother to have negative feelings about her own birth experience.  And of course, this upsets me a great deal.  Unrecognized and untreated feelings of loss, depression, and/or violation can send a mother spiraling deeper into an emotional chokehold.  Her very real, and very justifiable feelings are invalidated by some uneducated and ignorant voices.  She may feel isolated, misunderstood, and shamed.  Some women never have children again because they cannot bear to revisit the scene of the attack (i.e. a hospital.)  Some women choose to give birth without the supervision of any care provider whatsoever because they cannot trust anyone to keep them safe.  Some rise up and empower themselves to achieve a birth experience that helps heal their wounds.  And some women try again, only be set up to fail by a system that does not respect their need for bodily integrity or autonomy.  

No woman should have to feel violated during her birth.  And I will not rest until this very real epidemic has the recognition that every other act of sexual misconduct has.  If the suffragists or the Lois Jensens of the world agreed to “Shut the fuck up” because some ignorant women didn’t want to rock the boat, imagine where we’d be today.     

Whether you are a doctor who thinks they have the right to violate women’s bodies against their will, or you are another woman who believes that doctors should have the right to do whatever they want to other women, I only have to say this:  NO MEANS NO – regardless of the medical degree.    

______________________________

If you are a mother who has suffered some form of birth trauma, or unresolved feelings about a negative birth experience, please know that you are not alone. Help is out there.  Here are a few resources to help you begin healing:  

Solace for Mothers – Healing after Traumatic Childbirth

International Cesarean Awareness Network – Cesarean Recovery and VBAC Support

Citizens for Midwifery – Article on filing a formal complaint against a provider

BirthCut – “The Ax Forgets, the Tree Remembers”

The Unnecesarean – A Resource for the Latest in Maternity News, Studies, and Information

No, Formula is Not "Fine"

As the #NestleFamily scandal unfolded, you saw twitterers from all over the country weighing in on the debate.  Some made it very clear that the problem we have with Nestle is their unethical business practices, just one being their blatant violation of the World Health Organization's marketing codes for infant formula.  In case you're wondering why that's a big deal, understand  that an estimated 1.3 million children die each year from not being breastfed, especially in developing worlds (but not only in developing worlds - many right here in this country.)  A few years back, it was discovered that a Unicef effort to encourage formula feeding in Botswana (as a misguided  and fatally flawed attempt to limit the transmission of HIV from mother to baby) resulted in children dying in 20 times the usual numbers.  Horrifying results.  But even though most of the NestleFamily twitter debaters tried hard to keep this issue from turning into a breast vs. formula debate, others Twitter Debaters insisted that Nestle's WHO Code violation was a non-issue because "my kid was formula fed and he/she is fine."

I have a huge problem with this sort of statement.  To say any formula fed child is "fine" is to argue that formula is "fine", ergo "the same as breastmilk" - and that is an outright falsehood.  People making these statements think that because their formula fed child isn't limping around the schoolyard, slurring their ABC's, then this is evidence that formula is a perfect substitute for breastmilk.  You'll find people like BackPacking Dad on Twitter making jokes like "Formula causes scurvy, leukemia, and libertarianism. Breast-feeding gives babies x-ray vision."  Very thoughtful and helpful, dude.  That was funny how he used sarcasm to undermine the real science and evidence we have on the effects of formula feeding.  Wow, what a totally smart argument.  (See, I can be sarcastic too.) ;)

First off, breastmilk protects children again unseen enemies like childhood leukemia and type 1 and 2 diabetes.  It also protects against asthma, dermatitis, and obesity, just to name a few things.  The next intensely important benefit of breastfeeding is that it helps protect mothers against breast cancer, ovarian cancer, Type 2 diabetes, and Post-Partum Depression.  No formula in the world can even attempt to offer those kinds of benefits to mothers.

If formula feeding puts women and children at greater risk for short term or long term health issues, then how in the world is that "fine."  It's not. Stop kidding yourself.

But here is where some people argue that mothers face such pressure to breastfeed that we need to lay off the "Breast is Best" mantra and support whatever choice they make.  To that I say "Give Me A Break."  Pressure to breastfeed?  Laughable.  According to the CDC, in 2008 only 7.2% of American Infants were breastfed exclusively to age 6 months.  That's it.  Shocking, isn't it?  7.2% of infants were fed according to the guidelines set forth by pediatric health experts.  So who in the world are these people supposedly pressuring women to breastfeed?  I see 10 ads a day for formula on television.  ZERO for breastfeeding.  I see a new article every week about some woman who was harassed or kicked out of an establishment for breastfeeding her child, and yet not a single woman has ever been kicked out of anywhere for formula feeding.  Does Not Happen.  You can't open any parenting magazine without seeing ads for infant formula splashed on every 3rd page.  We live in a Formula-Pushing world.  In 2008, only 62% of babies in this country were EVER breastfed and only 58% are still getting at least some breastmilk by the time they leave the hospital.  Only 20% of children in this country are given breastmilk all the way to 12 months of age, which is the minimum suggested by the American Academy of Pediatrics - (the World Health Organization actually suggests until at least 24 months.)  Our breastfeeding rates are dismal, and they speak for themselves.  So nobody is going to convince me that women are facing such pressure to breastfeed.  If you are facing pressure to breastfeed, either count yourself lucky, or turn 5 degrees in another direction and you'll find swarms of people waiting to give you free formula and a big pat on the back.

When my 10 lb second son was born, I couldn't throw a nursing pad without hitting someone who tried to convince me I'd never be able to breastfeed this child.  He's 17 months and I'm still nursing him today, no thanks to most of the people around me.  That picture to the right is the stack of formula sitting behind the desk at my own pediatrician's office.  If you go into the office with a breastfeeding struggle, you're given some formula.  It's like going to an AA meeting and being sent home with a 6-pack of beer, "just in case."  Even my pro-breastfeeding husband got frustrated one night and said "Just give him formula!" (and yes, he nearly lost an eye for that.)  If I hadn't been able to seek out hardcore breastfeeding help on these here internets, or from the few women I know who weren't afraid to give me that extra push, I'm sure I would have given up on us.  And it would have broken my heart.  I gave up breastfeeding my first son after 4 weeks because everyone convinced me I'd be so much "happier" if I just started formula feeding. They were WRONG.  I was not happier.  I was horribly depressed about it, and it certainly was NOT because society made me feel what I did was wrong.  Breastfeeding was a huge, painful struggle for Jonas and I, but if I'd had the support to make it through I know I/we would be better off today. The well meaning people around me did nothing but contribute to my failure, and I think it is partly out of ignorance, and partly to make themselves feel better about not breastfeeding their own child.

Why else would parents, knowing all the science and knowing it is a sub-par feeding solution, run around telling everybody else it's "fine?"  I formula fed, yes, I did.  But do I sit here pretending that what I did was perfectly the same as breastfeeding?  Absolutely not.  I would never, ever tell another mother that either.  What kind of favor is that?

I'm not saying that formula hasn't been necessary in some situations, and I'm not saying I would shame another mother for doing what she had to do.  I don't have any problem with a mother who feels like she needs some help from formula, so long as she's making an informed choice on the matter.  But I will not sit idly by and listen to mothers try to drag other mothers and babies down with false information, or even well-meaning misguidance.  As Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan famously said "You are entitled to your opinion.  But you are not entitled to your own facts."

For people who'd try to use their own anecdotes to convince others that their formula-fed kids turned out fine, all I can think is "Okay, we'll see" OR "Good for you, 1.3 million other kids this year weren't so lucky."

Breast IS Best - and no amount of tip-toeing around the subject is going to make that fact go away.  So I'm not going to tip-toe.  And if you don't like it, I'll give you the address for my pediatrician's office where you get all the free infant formula you can carry.  You will have no trouble at all finding formula-feeding support.  Look around you.  93% of the babies around you are being formula-fed by their mothers.

_____________________

Updated to add: After some commentors drew my attention to this article, I would like to change my language to say, no, breast is not just "best".. breast is in fact the standard, and anything else is simply subpar.

"United They Nurse" - Lactivists Make the Front Page

(Front page of the Saturday edition of the Chicago Sun Times)

When Reporters Listen to Lactivists

Yesterday I complained to anyone who would listen about a Chicago reporter inaccurately stating Illinois breastfeeding laws in reference to a breastfeeding in public story.  I was up at 2 a.m. this morning writing email exchanges with the reporter on the story in an effort to talk her into realizing the gravity of her inaccuracies.  At first she felt that Illinois state law didn't apply here, but I explained how important it is that Illinois breastfeeding protection laws are accurately cited in any case of breastfeeding discrimination so those listening to the story know their boundaries, and realize that this issue is a matter of law, and should be treated with sensitivity.

Thankfully, she listened, and when CBS 2 covered the story again today, she changed her language to respect the protections afforded to nursing mothers in Illinois.

Today all of Chicago's major news outlets covered the Nurse-In organized by Lauren Trost, which was attended by 60 mothers as well as representatives of the Le Leche League.  I think this has to be one of the most positive outcomes from an otherwise negative experience that I have seen in years.  Perhaps the tide is turning - but I think we owe a lot of this to the power of strong legislation that grants freedom through protection.  This couldn't have happened in a state that doesn't protect a mother's right to nurse in public, and it would have been a whole lot more debatable in any state that only has weak language on the subject.

But watch the video on the story - it will make any lactivist's heart swell up with pride over what Lauren & the Lactivists (that should be a band name) were able to accomplish.  Take one breastfeeding bill, add one jerk who doesn't know their place, then multiply it times all the social media outlets who will make a rally cry go viral, and you have some serious social change.  This is why I keep trying.  Now let's get this Breastfeeding Promotion Act passed and we can really make some progress!

Man, I luvs me some law.

Breastfeeding in Public Gets Shotty Reporting

Yesterday a Lincoln Square mother was harassed by a woman for breastfeeding her son in public.

Bad, right?  Yes. But what makes it worse? When the female reporter on the story, Suzanne Le Mignot,  doesn’t know enough about Illinois law to properly report on the subject.

From the story:

Trost says she always nurses her 7-month-old son discreetly in Lincoln Square. That's why she says she was stunned when a woman recently threatened her by saying:

"'I'm going to call the police, and then I said, 'please call the police,'" Trost said. "She said, 'what you're doing is indecent, there are children here.' And I said, 'I'm just feeding my baby.'"

Nursing a child in public is not against the law in Illinois. Trost says she's telling her story to reinforce that fact.

DEAR Ms. Le Mignot – nursing in public is not just “not against the law in Illinois,” it is, flat out PROTECTED by law.  In fact, Illinois SB 3211 provided one of the country’s strictest breastfeding protection laws in that it includes an actual enforcement provision, allowing a woman to sue any business who tried to deny her this right.

This is like saying “being handicapped is not against the law in Illinois.”  Hello? We have RIGHTS and PROTECTIONS.  That goes far beyond “not against the law.”

Please send your letters of disapproval to CBS 2 News regarding Ms. Le Mignot’s underwhelming reporting capabilities.  I want them to update the story to include the actual laws, and not their poorly researched version.

Here’s the one I wrote:

Dear Susanne,

Regarding this morning's story about the breastfeeding incident in Lincoln Square, I request that you get your facts straight.

Breastfeeding in public is not only "not illegal" in the state of Illinois, but it is PROTECTED BY LAW.  In 2004, SB 3211 established "The Right to Breastfeed" act, which includes tough legislation protecting a woman's right to nurse anywhere she is authorized to be, and includes an enforcement provision allowing her to sue for damages if a business owner tried to stop her from breastfeeding in their establishment.

http://www.illinois.gov/PressReleases/ShowPressRelease.cfm?SubjectID=1&RecNum=3291

Breastfeeding is a hugely important and highly controversial topic, and it is your job as a reporter to dispel the confusion and set forth the facts when reporting on a story like this.

Section 10: Breastfeeding Location: A mother may breastfeed her baby in any location, public or private, where the mother is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother's breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breastfeeding;

Section 15. Private right of action. A woman who has been denied the right to breastfeed by the owner or manager of a public or private location, other than a private residence or place of worship, may bring an action to enjoin future denials of the right to breastfeed. If the woman prevails in her suit, she shall be awarded reasonable attorney's fees and reasonable expenses of litigation.

Please update your language to reflect the protections that women are granted, rather than just implying that what they are doing isn't technically "illegal."

A Concerned Illinoisan

Now, somebody tell me how I can get ahold of Lauren Trost because I will nurse in Lincoln Square with her any day of the week.  I swear I know this woman, I just cannot place her.  Maybe we were in a mom's group together at some point.  She looks pretty rock-n-roll, and we're around the same age, so I bet she's probably a friend of a friend.

I Predict a Riot!

UPDATE TO THIS STORY:  Well, my friends, letter writing and lactivism works!  Check it out! I smell progress!

The Feminist Stockholm Syndrome & What You Owe Me

I wasn’t necessarily angry about this.  I mean, yes, I was upset, but corporations are corporations, and I’m never surprised when they do awful things.  It is this understanding that keeps me working toward my law degree.  We need better policy and legislation.  So, other than writing a strongly worded letter, I didn’t let myself get too riled up about Isotoner firing a woman for lactating:  that is, until I started reading the comments on the story. 

Why are some women such traitors to their own gender?  Why (?) do women say things like:

• “I have absolutely no empathy for this woman”
• “Employers are not required to offer special treatment to women who choose to continue breastfeeding”
• “Reproducing doesn't make you queen of the world, no matter what you think”
• “Choose the difficult path to breast feed said offspring, should not introduce a burden upon others”
• “as a single woman without kids I get tired of being treated as if I don't exist”

Those are real quotes.  Real things said by actual women – the commentary on that story.

I hear this type of crap everywhere.  Visit the iVillage “Feminism Today” board, and you’ll see the worst of it.  When Sophie Currer, a 33 yr. old Harvard med student and mother of a 4 month old nursing daughter, requested time to pump during her medical licensing exam, she was originally told “Nope!”  That decision was overturned (thank goodness)  but you should have seen the comments from the so-called “feminists” in the meantime.  Seriously, I'm embarrassed to be one of them some times.  They said she should wait until she’s done breastfeeding to take the test, or said that it wasn’t anybody else’s fault that she got pregnant, so she should deal with the consequences, even if it meant sitting around uncomfortably engorged (and consequently getting Mastitis or an abscess). Or – and this was really the most laughably sexist of all the statements – she should wait to be a doctor until she’s done with this baby business because her breaks weren't FAIR to the MEN.

Yes. Women. Women said those things.  Here is where I sing-song my famous quote “Women are the Problem with Women.” Laa deee daaaahhhh.

So a MAN can take a med-school exam ANY time – even seconds after his child is born, but a WOMAN must wait a year or two to take her test, all because she is tied to her biology and society can’t be bothered to accommodate her condition?  I have a very, very hard time understanding how any person claiming to have a brain could say something so utterly stupid. 

But they don’t just say it.  They believe it.  They believe the patriarchies' version of “equality” and that amounts to nothing more than a truly infected case of Stockholm Syndrome.  I want to beat them over the head with expletives, but I fear the brainwashing is too ingrained and it won’t make a bit of difference.  They have suffered so many thousands of years of painful cognitive dissonance that they have wired themselves to love the patriarchies' hate for them.  It’s the only thing that takes the pain away, I suppose.  It is too hard to come out of the cave, see the light, and realize you’ve only been staring at a shadow of equality instead of the real thing.

When once upon a time women were goddesses of fertility, these new “feminists” tell us it’s our “fault” we had kids – that they shouldn’t have to bear any burden because we chose to procreate.  Oh really? 

Somebody please raise your hand and explain to me who will be paying the taxes that will sustain this country if there are no future generations?  I really want to know.  If you think you’re so smart, explain to me who's going to be wiping your ass at the nursing home, or finding a cure for your Alzheimer’s, or even driving the ambulance when you go into cardiac arrest, if there are no more people being born and taking up these jobs?  Who's going to pay the taxes into the system that gives you EMTs, and police, and transportation, and Medicaid, and Social Security?  Do you think that when you’re 80, the 80 yr old next to you is going to be doing all these things?  Obviously not.  No, it’s probably going to be a 20-something year old; a child born years and years from now - maybe a child born to my children.  So clearly children are not obsolete.  And wouldn’t you rather have healthy, happy children who were taken care of by their mothers/fathers and by society?  Wouldn’t you want the person in charge of curing your cancer to have those few extra IQ points and be in overall good health?   Well, you probably didn’t think that one through too well, did ya?

Okay, so obviously we NEED future generations, I think we can all agree there.  But you don’t want to bear them?  Okay fine, that’s your choice... but if you’re going to put the onus on the rest of us to raise the people that sustain this country – and raise them to be the healthiest they can be - the LEAST you can do is show a little respect to those who’ve taken on this enormous task.  These efforts should be subsidized, not shamed.  I’m not saying we should get a medal or anything, but in a civilized society, those who perform the services you are not willing to perform are entitled to compensation.  This is how a Republic works, don’tchaknow? 

I don’t give a crap if you don’t want kids, or you hate kids, or whatever your deal is.  But don’t you dare say you don’t “owe” me anything for having kids. On the contrary, if my offspring takes care of you when you’re older, or pays the taxes, or pumps your freaking gas, you owe me a whole lot.

Now, please pull your pretty head out of the sand and realize we're all getting screwed here - and not in the good way.

Forbes Magazine Interviews Yours Truly...

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by a journalist for Forbes Magazine on the plight of the Working & Pumping Mother.

This is a plight I know all too well.  It's not easy providing breastmilk to a baby you don't see 50 hours a week.  But I busted my butt, and made it through that full year of pumping at work without a drop of formula supplementation.  Luckily my employer didn't give me any hassles, and they never questioned a minute I needed to spend in the Mother's Room, but they didn't exactly provide me with all the resources I needed to be successful either.

They could do better, so I helped them do better, and it was a win/win for everyone.

The case that this article makes is that Employers can do more to assist nursing Mothers, and it only helps their bottom line.  Read the full Forbes.com article called "The Business of Breastfeeding."

Yay me!

PS. I'm the second Gina in the article (Gina Crosley-Corcoran), not the Gina from Lanisoh - but weird coincidence!

_____________________________________________________________

UPDATED:

Upon request I have added the document I created for my company. 

Download Mothers Room Info-Breastfeeding (1.36 MB PDF)

Feel free to use these as a guide in creating your own Mother's Room materials.  It is also important to order some fee copies of The Business Case For Breastfeeding to have on hand as well.

CyberStalking and CyberHarassment are a Crime

Here is the letter I have written to the radio stations who posted the cyber-stalkers comments about me on their website.  I expect that I will be filing a police report against them if they continue their behavior.  I'm taking out names and details to protect myself from any more threats.

 Station Managers/Radio Personnel of (radio station name here),

This is a letter formally demands the immediate discontinuation and removal of all cyber-harassment directed at me, (my name here), by any involved member of (radio station name here).  The hosts/staff of (radio station name here) have recently given a new outlet to a known cyber-stalker by the name of (stalker name here) who has been stalking me for 6 years, making them responsible for the promotion of cyber-harassment on (radio station name here) website.  This type of harassment is a crime under state law.

The material and communications directed at me have been reported, and legal action as begun against one (stalker name here), a known cyber-stalker, a person who this station(s) has assisted in her continued harassing behavior toward myself.  If the staff at (radio station name here) continue to support this individual's cyber-harassment by posting derogatory or defaming remarks against me on their internet properties, whether written by (stalker) or by their own staff, legal action will be taken.  I demand the harassing messages contained on the site be removed IMMEDIATELY.  If these are not removed within 24 hours, I will report these actions to the authorities who are handling my complaint against (stalker).

I have been advised to send you this formal communication to make my position clear, and demand that no further contact be made with me or any member of my family, by any physical or electronic means.  Any further communications either to me, or about me in a public forum, will constitute continued harassment.

If you have been the victim of cyber stalking or electronic harassment, whether or not the harassment involves any threats or physical contact, contact your local police department to file a report.  Then visit Wired Safety to see what other action you can take, and how to protect yourself against further attacks from this individual or others, and tips on how to make your case. To view the Cyber-Stalking legislation in your state, visit the National Conference of State Legislature website.

TFB Won't Be a Victim - You're Not Worth It (The Stalker Confirmed.)

I've talked before about the fact that I've been in some high-profile situations that left me bloodied and bruised by hateful gossip.

Well, I'm once again the subject of some internet hate- but this time I'm not bruised at all. I couldn't care less.  I'm surprisingly zen about the whole thing actually.  I think with age comes wisdom.  8 years ago I defended myself the way a 22 year old would.  Today, I prefer to let people rot in their own egregious idiocy.  This guy is begging for a virtual hand-job from me, and I'm not giving it to him. I already feel like I need one of those "Silkwood" showers to burn his stupidity off my flesh.  Just like when I played with Ms. Love, being in proximity to this makes me feel... icky.

I also know who this "source" of theirs was, and she is a psycho-stalker who we had to block from our band's Myspace page yeeeeeears ago because we were sensing a very "John Lennon/Mark David Chapman" vibe.  Veruca Salt also banned her from their forums because she was clearly totally mentally unstable, and I've also recently had to block her IP address from blog from and my Twitter account. She was desperate for attention, and this dude gave it to her.  Good for them.  Let them all rot in each other's insanity.

I do appreciate those who visited their bullshit and stuck up for me though.  Thanks guys.

UPDATE: The psycho-stalker has been confirmed as the source of the email to TheBlockFM.  I knew from the second I saw that email that it was her, she's been doing this kind of thing for 6-7 years, and when she realized I was onto her, she emailed them again and copied me.  She's Kathy Bates, yo.  She's "trying to help" me and just wants to "be a friend." Holy total insanity.  She must have gone off her medication today, and I'm really not kidding. If anyone knows whether I can file a restraining order on her because cyber-stalking, please let me know.  I know that she knows where I live, and claims to have family here (though she lives in Seattle.)  I also want to know if I can name TheBlockFM in any legal proceedings since they are aiding her behavior.  If she loses it and hurts my family, I want the courts to know they were involved.  Please make with the free legal advice peeps.

Breastfeeding Bigots on Twitter (and the radio)

I want to share a letter that I wrote today to the station managers at LA's 92.5 KYHY and 1490 WWPR in Tampa after one of their radio hosts used Twitter to bash a breastfeeding woman at a Dodgers game.

Dear Station Managers/Producers at  92.5 KYHY and 1490 WWPR,

I am sure that your stations are aware of the power and influence of social media outlets such as Twitter.  For this reason, I would expect that your stations may be interested in knowing if one of your radio personalities is using a social media platform to spout bigoted slurs toward a minority group, especially if that group is protected under state law.

Anyone following a certain term or “hashtag” on Twitter receives an alert when any member of Twitter mentions that term. When DJ Tim Mihalsky began his afternoon of hateful comments at a Dodgers game yesterday, people all over the world saw those comments, including me. 

Tim began attacking a woman, via Twitter, who was breastfeeding her baby at the Dodgers game calling her “crazy”, “rude”, saying that she had “no shame”, and insisting she “go in the back”.  What Tim Mihalsky fails to realize is that mothers who nurse in public are a protected status of individual under CA  and FL state law.  Section 43.3 of the California Civil Code, otherwise known as the “Right to Breastfeed in Public (1997)” states that  "…a mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private…where the mother and the child are otherwise authorized to be present."  Florida's law dictates the same. 

As of this morning, it appears a second BlockFM radio host, Cassie Williams, has also begun calling the act “rude.” 

CA, FL, and 40 other states enacted these laws to promote breastfeeding because it has been established by every respected medical organization in the world that breastfeeding is the best possible way to feed our children, protecting against everything from diabetes to cancer.  California and most other states in the nation have specific state law to promote and protect breastfeeding as a matter of public and economic health.

When confronted by breastfeeding mothers and advocates all over the world, Mihalsky first said he was “joking”, and then went on to defend his position on the subject and insist he was exercising “free speech.”

As a pre-law student, I believe in and defend the constitution.  However, there is a difference between “free speech” and “hate speech”, and a radio personality with a morning show in two of the largest markets of this country ought to exercise more social responsibility before sending hateful comments into Cyberspace for the millions of Twitter users to see.  What’s next?  Will we excuse it when he tells the Women/Blacks/Mexicans/Asians to “go in the back?”

On behalf of the effected minority group, and mothers everywhere, I ask that Mihalsky issue a retraction, and be trained on the social responsibility and use of Twitter as a radio personality.

Sincerely,

(your name here)

Please send this, or your own version of this letter, to manager@1490wwpr.com and info@925kyhy.com and copy the offenders themselves buzz@theblockfm.com.

Get your riot on, people.

UPDATE!: Tim and the BlockFM crew discussed their outrage over public breastfeeding, along with yours truly, on their morning show. Here's a link to the MP3.  http://bit.ly/qG80d So his bigotry has followed him onto the airwaves.  Lactivists Unite!

ANOTHER UPDATE!: The bigot's comments have gotten worse, aaaaand worse, and now he's decided to bring his co-host/female lawyer on today's show to bash breastfeeding some more (again, breastfeeding in public promoted and protected by her state's law.) Stay tuned for more details and another letter writing campaign. I won't be listening it (I may gag) but please report back to me if you do.

A Message to my Boys about Michael Jackson

Jonas and Jules,

Tonight we sat around the dinner table listening to a Michael Jackson Greatest Hits album on the iPod.  We listen to music every night while we eat dinner. It's what we do.

Every night, Jules dances jovially in his little chair while shoving food into his mouth.  And every night, Jonas you say "Who's this?" each time a new song comes on the radio, as if you're attempting to catalogue them in your head, and suprisingly, your beautiful little brain is doing a great job.  Daddy and I always tell you what band is currently playing, even if it seems like you're too young to remember such things, because you always surprise us.  You know The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Green Day, and for some reason the Talking Heads. 

Tonight you asked "Who's this?" and the answer was "Michael Jackson."  We were listening, in mourning, because Michael died suddenly yesterday. 

The first record that either me or your daddy ever owned was Michael Jackson's "Thriller."  I hope that by the time you are old enough to read this, you already know all the lyrics to most of these songs.  This man's artistry was important for many genres of music. He transcended culture, race, and gender and changed the world as we know it.

I always wondered how my family felt or reacted to the news of John F. Kennedy's death, or Elvis's death, or John Lennon's death.  I don't know how they felt, but I want you to know that when Michael Jackson died, our hearts hang heavy.  We are saddened by our music community's loss. 

So we celebrated his music, with you, at the dinner table.  And in that moment, I could see by the sheer enjoyment on your faces that Michael's music will live for generations after we are all gone.  Candidly speaking, children... this moment sucks.  I suspect we'll be playing MJ on the iPod for a good solid week around these parts.

Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 9

This week – lots of news in the world of natural birthing and breastfeeding!

C-sections shouldn't be 'automatic' for breech births, Canadian doctors say
So, the Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists in Canada has decided that vaginal birth is a perfectly reasonable option for delivering most breech babies, and they’ve even go so far as to begin a program to train doctors in the lost art of breech delivery.  I have to say, I’m dumbfounded.  This is one of the most responsible and intelligent things I’ve heard a medical profession do.  You mean, they weighed the evidence, and changed their mind?  What a concept!  Hey ACOG, take notes from our friends to the north.

Speaking of those smart(er) Canadian doctors…

C-sections, forceps use rising too sharply in Canada, medical groups say
Here several Canadian medical groups complain of the overuse of cesarean, forcep and vacuum assisted delivery, and delivery before 41 weeks.   “Doctors should only resort to these interventions when there is a valid, evidence-based reason” the article says.  Oh, Canada!

But, I do have to throw the ACOG a bone this week – or rather, I suppose it’s them throwing us a bone…

ACOG Refines Fetal Heart Rate Monitoring Guidelines
Finally, the ACOG realizes that fetal heart rate monitoring has done absolutely nothing to reduce perinatal mortality or the risk of cerebral palsy.  In fact, they say that the cerebral palsy rate has remained exactly the same for the last 60 years despite all the interventions and technology thrown at it.  I’ll be sending this to my doctor who (as you may have read in my VBAC birth story) insisted that the heart rate monitor was telling him my child would be born with cerebral palsy if I did not let him perform a cesarean on me.  Idjit.

In other news...

Breastfeeding Improves IQ
Well, it has been argued time and again.  People have said there’s no validity in the notion that breastfeeding makes you smarter, but now there’s been a new study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition that compared the IQs of siblings in the same family, one who was breastfed, and the other who was formula fed.  Guess who came out on top?  Well... I don’t want to give it away, so make with the clicky-click on the link above.

And finally...

And in reference to my Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 7 - I'd like to say THIS is the right way for establishments to use the International Breastfeeding Symbol.  Take note.  And thank you Elita @Blacktating for bringing that pic to my attention.  I'd also like to note that the pictures I complained about on the Mothering site have now been removed - I only noticed because I clicked on the link in my post, and it's dead now.  Coincidence?  Or they did hear me (us)?  I find it very interesting, but however it happened, I'm quite pleased.  They now have a page listing the "suggested use" of the symbol, and make particular reference to the symbol not being used to "segregate" breastfeeding mothers (wasn't that the word so many of us used when griping about this?)  Even if it had nothing to do with our complaints, lets all pat ourselves on the back for making a difference anyway.

That's all for now. Toodles!

AMA - a.k.a. Unethical Hypocrites Association

The American Medical Assocation has lost their damn mind.  And this time it affects every single person in this country.  You all should be horrified and frightened.

Tuesday, June 16th, the AMA votes on a resolution to create billing codes that would identify "non-compliant" patients.  What this is means is anytime you do not agree with a doctor's diagnosis, if you seek a second opinion, or if you pursue alternative forms of treatment, this doctor can tag your medical records with a code that labels you a "Problem Patient" - paving the way for insurance carriers to deny you coverage.

The entire concept of this is not only totally against the doctrine of informed refusal, but is also completely hypocritical to the American Medical Association's OWN codes of conduct for Informed Consent & Refusal.  The following is taken directly from the AMA's own website:

Informed consent is more than simply getting a patient to sign a written consent form. It is a process of communication between a patient and physician that results in the patient's authorization or agreement to undergo a specific medical intervention.

In the communications process, you, as the physician providing or performing the treatment and/or procedure (not a delegated representative), should disclose and discuss with your patient:

• The patient's diagnosis, if known;
• The nature and purpose of a proposed treatment or procedure;
• The risks and benefits of a proposed treatment or procedure;
• Alternatives (regardless of their cost or the extent to which the treatment options are covered by health insurance);
• The risks and benefits of the alternative treatment or procedure; and
• The risks and benefits of not receiving or undergoing a treatment or procedure.

In turn, your patient should have an opportunity to ask questions to elicit a better understanding of the treatment or procedure, so that he or she can make an informed decision to proceed or to refuse a particular course of medical intervention.

So, hold on.  Informed consent and refusal is not only protected by every level of law that exists in this land, but it is also advocated right on the AMA's own website, and now they think they can pass a resolution to punish anyone who invokes their right to participate in their own care? 

Besides the obvious implications this has on VBACing mothers, it's obvious that no healthcare-seeking American would be safe from this ridiculous resolution.

So, what can you do about it?  Well, you can act really quick - ICAN has posted a list of resources you can contact to voice your opposition to this.

_____

UPDATE! The AMA voted and the resolution was unanimously DEFEATED!  I'm sure this is thanks to all the hardwork of everyone who spoke out against this ridiculous resolution.  Let's keep an eye on this and make sure they try a stunt like this again!

Circuit City Extended Warranty Plans are NOT being Honored

Circuit City is still screwing us, even months after closing their doors.  We found out the hard way last night that our broken car DVD player will NOT be replaced in accordance with the extended warranty we purchased, even though we paid an extra couple hundred dollars to ensure that it would be replaced if necessary. The following is the letter I wrote to our local news station after a two hour brawl with Assurant Solutions, the company that supposedly backs the warranties sold under the Circuit City Advantage Plan.

Hello NBC Target 5 Team.

I wanted to make you aware of an issue which I believe should be known to all consumers who were told by Assurant Solutions that Circuit City Advantage Plans (extended warranty service) would be honored after the store's closing.

Official statement made by Assurant Solutions in reference to the warranties

This is a false statement. 

When we found out Circuit City was going under, we checked Assurant's website, and read through all the Terms & Conditions of our service plan, and were assured in both cases that our extended warranty would cover the parts and labor of our Car DVD player.

Assurant states "Circuit City customers have no need to worry about their plans still being valid," he said. "our companies will continue to provide them the same high quality, consistent service, regardless of Circuit City’s outcome."

In reference specifically to the type of service our product requires - the company states this "Circuit City customers who subscribed to a plan that included carry-in service will be provided an alternative drop-off location for on-site service or shipping instructions to return items to an authorized service center."

Well, that DVD player broke last week.  We called Assurant and we were told to pull the DVD player out, ship it back to them, and at that point they would issue a check for the retail purchase price ONLY of our DVD player.  They will not pay for any uninstall/reinstall services, and will not send us to an "authorized service provider."  We are now responsible for several hundred dollars in labor costs.  We told them our service agreement (and their statement to the press that that service agreement would be honored) indicated that we were covered for parts AND service (installation) of that particular product, and we had no intention of paying $200-$300 in uninstall/reinstall fees on a product that ought to be covered.

After two hours on the phone, we were told that Assurant Solutions has "no ability" to provide any coverage for the extended service plans sold by Circuit City, and Assurant has NO "authorized service center(s)" -- a statement in total opposition to the clear statement made to the press and on their website that they WILL provide service at an "authorized service center."  If Assurant Solutions has NO authorized service centers, then their statement made to their customers and the public was an outright falsehood, and they should be held liable for all the consumers they've duped into continuing their worthless contracts.

As part of our Circuit City Advantage warranty, our product is listed under the products that are covered for uninstall/reinstall services, but according to "Greg" at Assurant Solutions Customer Care, Assurant will not honor the actual "Circuit City Advantage Plan" - because, according to Greg, their agreement with Circuit City ended when Circuit City closed it's doors.

I was told "we're all affected by Circuit City's bankruptcy ma'am."  Well, clearly some are more affected than others.

I think it is important to warn others who may wish to cash in their warranties that the warranty they think they have may actually be useless.

As far as our situation, we are contacting an arbitrator (in accordance with the Terms & Conditions of our contract) and plan to take this matter to the courts if necessary.

Thank you for listening.

So the moral of the story is, if you purchased a Circuit City Advantage Plan or other extended warranty at the now defunct store, you better call Assurant to find out how you can either get a new contract that stipulates exactly what they are now responsible for replacing, or cash in that warranty.

With one quick Google search, I found an entire thread of consumers calling for a class action law suite against Assurant and Circuit City based on their Assurant's refusal to honor their warranties.  And Assurant Solutions has NOT seen the last of me.

Why I Can't Fault Kate Gosselin

I really try not to get wrapped up in the celebrity gossip.  These people are people too, and their skin is just as thin as ours - a hard lesson I learned when I was momentarily on the other side of that gossip.  You see, when I was briefly thrust under the microscope way back in 2001 when Ms. Love announced I was the newest member of her band in a worldwide press release, everyone in the "biz" wanted a piece of me.  All the sharks wanted to know what I weighed, and who waxed my eyebrows.  And though no one in the entire world had ever seen me play with her, they all had their opinions, some good and some terribly hurtful, on what I would be like if they ever got the chance to see it.

My dad heard the news about my new job on the radio, and before he could get me on the phone he stumbled upon a message board online that had an entire thread dedicated to whether I was fat or not.  My poor father, just trying to be a good dad, signed up on the board and started defending me, and, well, these days anyone with an internet connection knows what happens when you feed trolls.

That all sucked.  And it made me feel sorry for anyone who's subjected to that pettiness and cruelty.  So this is one of the two reasons I have to give Kate Gosselin the benefit of the doubt.

The other reason is this: I've been her.  Actually, I've probably been a much, much worse version of her.  I'm willing to bet many of us in perfectly functional marriages have been her at some point.  If someone was editing together all of the horrible fights my husband and I have been through and airing them on national television, I would once again be the butt of an international hate-fest.

Let me say this.  My husband loves me, and I love him.  I try to avoid talking about Him or complaining about our problems on my blog (though a few frustrated moments have slipped through) because, honestly, I know I won the husband lottery.  My husband is the kind of husband other women dream of marrying, so it's ridiculous to bitch about the petty arguments we have.   It makes me ashamed, and here's why:

• He loves and respects me unconditionally.

• He thinks I'm hotter now than before I had two children, and not a single day goes by that he doesn't tell me that.
• He does everything in his power to try to make me happy.
• He takes equal share of all the household and childrearing responsibilities.
• He puts himself out nearly every day to try to make my life a little easier (example: On nights I'm in school, that man will park the car at the train station for me and walk himself home so I don't have to walk home when I get off the train late at night.  He also gets up early to make my lunch every single day, and washed/packed my bottles every single day for the entire time I was pumping at work.  How many husbands do those sorts of things for their wives?)
• He's a hard worker, working two jobs right now to help us get ahead
• He would NEVER cheat on me, and NEVER leave me.  This man is a lifer.  I can safely say that pigs would fly before the man would look twice at a woman who wasn't his wife.  He is hardwired for monogamy.

So there's a short list of the reasons I stay married to him.  But those things are not enough to keep me happy every day.  I may have won the Husband Lottery, but that doesn't mean I think he's perfect.  On the average, uneventful day, I consider myself a relatively intelligent, sane, loving human being.  But nothing in the world can bring out my anger issues like He can.  I've spent a lot of time in the last few years hating his effing guts.  He's able to do tiny, little things, that make me feel totally betrayed, threatened, and unloved.  These are things that other people may not see, but I sure do see them.

It started when I got pregnant.  I didn't want to be pregnant.  I/we had plans.  I was in school and finally getting somewhere with my life.  We had a big wedding planned, and had dreams of what our life would be like when we got all our ducks in a row.  But a surprise pregnancy complicated all of that.  I love my son more than anything in this entire world now, but If I had my way then, I would have had an abortion.  But ultimately, I knew that an abortion would absolutely devastate Him, and our relationship would never recover from that.  I couldn't put us through that, and He promised me that if I had the baby, he would find a way to make it all okay.  So I trusted that He would make it work, reluctantly stayed pregnant, and hated him every single minute for it.  For the first year, he really didn't hold up his end of the bargain of "making it all okay", and I felt stupid for trusting that he would.

I hated him for the sciatica pain.
I hated him when I got fat.
I hated him when I was overdue.
I hated him when I had a cesarean.
I hated him when I had to go back to work 5 weeks postpartum.
I hated him when He quit school mid semester without consulting me.
I hated him because I had left school and worked full time to support us so he could finish college, which he just blew off.
I hated him because I was starting to be the only Grown-Up in the house.
I hated him when I found out he was being incredibly financially irresponsible.
I hated him when I found out he was accepting thousands of dollars from his mother to hide his mistakes from me.
I hated him because this wasn't what I planned.
I hated him because he trapped me.
I hated him for all the hatred I felt.
I hated him for turning me into this person that I didn't even recognize.

And without realizing it at the time, I was also suffering under a serious case of PPD/PTSD.  Times were very dark.  Fighting and hurting each other became a daily activity.  At one point, I broke a brand new MacBook by throwing it at him.  On more than one occasion, I told him I wished he was dead.  And that became the tone for much of our existence.

So why didn't we get out?  Well, not for lack of me trying.  I wanted a divorce every minute of the day.  I called lawyers.  I even met with one.  I know I said "Till death do us part" but my brain doesn't even understand the concept of permanence.  I was raised a gypsy and went to 26 different schools between K-12 grades, so instability is completely normal to me.  I've never been able to plan a month or two ahead in my life, so promising I'd do something forever was sheer temporary insanity on my part.

But He is different.  He was born and raised in the same house his whole life, and stability makes perfect sense to him. When he said "I Do" he meant Forever, and not one day shy of it.  It didn't matter how bad things were.  It didn't matter how much stuff I broke in the house.  It didn't matter how many horrific things I said to him, or he said to me.  We were married, and we would find a way to work it out.  He loves me, and He believes that no matter how mad I get, or what I say in the heat of the moment, deep down I love him too, and we'll be just fine in the end.

And he's right. We will be just fine.  We both have some growing up to do, and we both have communication issues to work out.  He has to learn to stop doing stupid shit, and I have to learn to stop taking his stupid shit so personally.  But we're in it together, and we're learning to navigate all of the good, bad, and mediocre times together.  Our first two years of marriage were the hardest test I can possibly see a couple facing, and we survived it.  Marriage is tough, man!

But lord knows, if someone had recorded those first two years, and broadcast them all over the internets and blogospheres, Perez Hilton would be drawing little horns and pitchforks all over my picture, and probably talking about how fat and ugly the marriage made me.

So I won't judge Kate Gosselin for what's happening in her marriage.  I am in no position to pass judgment.  None of us are.  Thankfully some mom bloggers are stepping up to admit that their marriage isn't perfect, and yours probably isn't either.  Until the day comes when you'll allow your ugliest, most personal moments to be televised for the rest of us to see, try to focus on what's happening in your own house/marriage/family.  I bet that's a whole lot more interesting than what's going on with these celebrities.

And just try to remember how you'd feel if someone said these things about you, or your sister, or your mother, or your daughter. 

Ouch.

Things You Should Read Thursday

Did you hear?  Formula-feeding automatically makes you a happier mother?  It also makes you more attactive because breastfeeding ruins your body.  Did you also know that some lactation consultants are so mean they actually coax women to their deaths?

You didn't know all this?

Wait, you didn't know all this???  Perhaps that's because it's not true.  But that's not what these two journalists would have you believe.  So this week's Things You Should Read Thursday highlights two different articles by "Anti-Lactivists" charging breastfeeding with everything from ruining your body to promoting suicide.

Laura Rosen Cohen: Breast is best?
Oh my god, it's so painfully awful to be a breastfeeding mother that, same as Hannah Rosin, this mom does it, but then touts alllll the reasons in the world why it's such a totally useless thing to do.  Spare me.

Daisy Goodwin: The breast is best Gestapo: The 'natural childcare' zealots who make women feel like failures
Here we see a lactation counselor being blamed for a suicidal mother's death.  The author charges that the mother was made to feel like a failure by the LC, and that is why she committed suicide.  Seriously?  That's all it takes to get somebody to off themself?  It couldn't have been that perhaps the mother was suffering from some serious clinical depression brought on either long before she ever had children, or from Post Partum Depression (an affliction, btw, that breastfeeding helps ward off)???  Oy.

I'm so sick of breastfeeding advocates being charged with making mothers feel guilty.  First of all, this is horsecrap.  No one can "make" you feel anything unless you let them.  This is nothing more than projected guilt, and for every single mother who says she was pressured to breastfeed, there is another mother just like her somewhere who says she's being pressured NOT to breastfeed.  In fact, the latter is far more likely.

I'm sure there are a couple thousand AP, Jack-Newman-reading folks who would have me believe that weaning my 1 year old would do serious psychological damage to him.  My opinion?  That is their own psychological damage talking.  And the guilt I feel over possibly weaning is my OWN guilt, and nothing that anyone else has done to me.

Now - If you don't want to learn how to breastfeed easier, why in the world would you call a lactation consultant?  They are there to "consult" you on "lactating."  They are not there to teach you how to bottle feed and absolve you of any guilt you may be feeling over your decision.  I wouldn't hire a plumber to have him talk me out of getting my leaky toilet fixed.

You have a problem - You hire a professional to help you deal with it.  You don't like their advice, then come up with your own solution.  If you feel guilty about your decision, ask yourself why because guilt can ONLY come from within yourself.

The rest of the woman who are desperately seeking out help with breastfeeding issues greatly benefit from those of us willing to be called "Nazi's" for lending our support to their efforts.  Without the "Nazi's" I may have given up breastfeeding my second son, which would have landed me right back in the same depression I felt while I formula fed my first son.

Then who could I hold responsible for my unhappiness as a mother?

Law & Order SVU Has Jumped the Vaccination Shark

Dear Law & Order SVU Writers,

Perhaps you missed my blog about how I quit Private Practice over their stupid, stupid vaccination episode in which a child dies from Measles (or mumps, I can’t remember which) and the hospital thinks the mother should be jailed.  Or perhaps you thought that the mere presence of Private Practice still on the air, no matter how unexplained because, let’s face it, that show sucks, meant that they were onto something with their blatant agenda pushing.

But last night, you took a far bigger leap than even Stupid Private Practice did.  You actually put a mother on trial for not vaccinating her child, not because her own child died, but because another child that her child MAY or MAY NOT have come into contact with died.  Was I the only one watching thinking “HOW can they have a case??? They never even proved the two children came in contact!”

You. Have got. To be kidding. Me.

Besides the sheer absurdity of the charges, there is NO WAY the D.A. could have proven that case!  Shouldn’t there be some tiny little glimmer of reality in this show to keep us all from rolling our eyes at the TV for the entire hour?

Again, I stress, I am PRO-vaccination.  It worries me a great deal when parents don’t vaccinate their children because these things are lethal, and it’s not really fair to expose children too young to be vaccinated to a disease whose risks far outweigh the risks of vaccination. 

But seriously: Jail?  And for THE MOTHER ONLY???  Please tell me where the hell the FATHER was in these charges.  Do fathers not have any say in their child’s vaccination schedule?  Are fathers not deemed the responsible party when things go awry?  What a wretchedly obvious case of blatant sexism.

Well Law & Order SVU… I’m done with you now too.  I’ve been a loyal fan for most of my adult life, but this was enough to make me un-Tivo you.

Good riddance.

Slow Economy = Fast Expiration Date?

I’ve been noticing a disturbing trend.

Last night I pulled some cookies out of the cabinet – the “organicy-so-you-don’t-feel-bad-giving-them-to-your-toddler” ones my MIL bought two weeks ago at Whole Foods.  I was reading the bag to figure out what was in these things when I realized the “Best By Date” was APR1709.  I stared at it for a second because I couldn’t figure out if I was really looking at a brand new bag of cookies – COOKIES, not fruit or perishables – that expired a week ago.  I tend to be a little dyslexic at times, so it’s not totally unusual for me to stare at numbers and think they say something different than they actually say.  So I showed my husband, and sure enough, the damn cookies expired a week ago.  Okay, weird.

Then this morning I stood in line behind a woman at CVS who bought OTC cold medicine.  Just as I finished my purchase, she came back to return the cold medicine because she realized it expired in three (3) days.  Seriously?  THREE DAYS?!?!  It usually takes a couple of years for OTC medicine to expire.

Now I'm wonder, how long have these things been sitting on these shelves that they expire in less than a week?  And better yet, WHY are retailers keeping them on the shelves.  Do they honestly expect you to use a whole box of cold medicine in 3 days?  If you tried, you certainly wouldn’t be following the directions.  And what if that lady hadn’t purchased it?  Would it have sat there another 3 days until someone else ( who maybe wouldn’t notice an expiration date on cold medication because, really, who looks at those anyway?) came along to purchase it?

Why are things sitting on shelves waiting to expire? I think the answer is to this is simple: The slow economy.  CVS isn’t moving as much cold medication, and Whole Foods isn’t moving as many cookies… so there they sit, just waiting to be bought.  Is it legal or ethical to sell something with an approaching expiration date?  Dunno.  But it’s definitely not good business.

Let this be a lesson to us all though.  No matter what you’re buying, or how nonperishable it seems – Check the expiration date!

Things You Should Read Thursday: Vol. 2

First Up: A Birth Story

"My Big Ugly VBAC: It Wasn’t Pretty, But it Was All Mine"
This is not just a birth story, but an entire website dedicated to this woman’s no-holds-barred account of her VBAC which, despite everything, she says was “worth a million words, truly.”  I relate to the way she describes her cesarean and HBAC being like night and day, and how healing the VBAC was for her.   She battled her own fears and seemingly endless labor pains to have her baby just how she needed to: at home, surrounded by her family. 

Next Up: More Unnecessary C-Sections in the News

"Doctor Won't Make The Cut: Feeling pressure from hospital for more c-sections, she leaves"
This self-proclaimed “midwife with a MD behind (her) name” left the hospital she practiced at after they tried to force her to increase her 10% c-section rate to more than 20% without any medical justification whatsoever.  Unfortunately this article is four years old, which means that little has changed.

Last Up: Unassisted Birth Goes Wrong (And This Article Goes Even Worse)

Jessica Gottlieb: How Safe Is Your Home Birth?
Gottlieb writes a malicious article on tragic results of Janet Fraser’s unassisted home birth in March.  She considers her a “criminal” for needing to have her child at home, and dismisses Janet’s term “Birthrape” as being “much more important to Janet than the safety of her child.”  Suffice to say I left a nice, ripe comment.

Happy Reading!

Feminism is Not my Religion

Some feminists claim that feminism is about supporting other women's choices unconditionally and without judgment. I disagree wholeheartedly.
 
I believe feminism is about equality.  Nothing less.  Nothing more.  I do not believe feminism requires supporting any choice a woman makes regardless of its context or consequence. The blind support of a person or action based solely a shared ideology, without critical thought, is nothing more than a religion.  Or... some might call it a cult.

Great feminists have defined feminism time and again:

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings"
~Cheris Kramerae, author of A Feminist Dictionary, 1996.

"Feminism is the advocacy of political, economic and social equality between women and men."
~Feminist Majority Foundation

"A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men."
~Gloria Steinem, founder of Ms. Magazine, leader of the Women's Movement.

Nowhere in those three statements does it say “Feminism is about limitless choice.” I do not believe Feminism is simply about “choice” though it can sometimes be about the right to make certain choices, especially choices that support equality.  However, if those choices undermine equality for every woman, good luck getting support from me. 

A good example of a real choice: the choice between working or staying home.  Both have risks and benefits, and no science has ever proven that one is universally better than the other.  It’s about what works for you and your family.  Neither one is more feminist than the other.  Neither decision undermines equality or our gender.

Another good example of choice: the right to carry, or terminate, an unwanted pregnancy.  What is right for that woman depends entirely on her own circumstances and capabilities.  No one will ever know if she would have been better off taking a different path (though I openly admit that I loathe abortion and decided against one for myself.)  I will always support choice in this area.

But, do you really believe every woman’s every “choice” should be supported?  Tell me you’ve never seen a woman, 9-months pregnant, sucking on a Marlboro Red, and thought to yourself “Oh my god, that is disgusting!”  Is it her choice to choke her unborn fetus with cigarette smoke?  Sure it is!  Do you support that choice?  Are you going to walk up to her and say “Way to go!  Smoke another one for me!”  I bet you a thousand dollars you won’t.  You judge it, just like I do, and don't try to tell me you don't.  It is repulsive, and it’s okay to say that.  Several states have laws against smoking in a car with children in it.  This is a good case of legislating parenting.  Smoking itself isn't illegal, but being a bad parent can be.  Some things clearly undermine public health and our society, and I’ll be the first to say so regardless if a man is doing it or a woman is doing it.  I will not support some things, and feminism (a.k.a. gender equality) does not require me to.

The other problem with calling everything a “choice” is that it reduces anything we are to being simply a personal choice.  All the sudden, just being a woman is now a "choice" that is open to debate and possibly legislation by others.  It has already happened with birthing and breastfeeding – two things that are completely owned by women, and yet are continually being snuffed out by the Cash Cow Corporations whose vested interest lies in pushing c-sections and formula.  And the best part of that?  They convince you they’ve done you a favor!  You’ve been “liberated” by being chained to The Man.  Nice going.

I am a female mammal; vaginal birth is not a choice, rather, it is the way nature designed my child to be birthed from my body - a design that even our modern scientific research has proven to be the healthiest possible way for a baby to be born.*  Why?  Because it does not require new-fangled technology.  It is natural.

I am a female mammal; breastfeeding is not a choice.  It is how our offspring was meant to be fed - an act that modern scientists and economists have proven is the best possible way to feed our babies.* Why? Because it does not require new-fangled, chemically comprised mystery liquids.  It is natural.

But calling these things “choices” leaves the opportunity for others to say that you could have made an “alternate choice” -- and because you didn’t, you should suffer the sacrifices of that “choice” and not look for any special considerations.  And this opens the door for discriminating against mothers simply for being mothers – which is the one basic biological function that is exclusive to the female gender.

Let me illustrate.  Our country says you are allowed the freedom to pray to whatever God you want.  To truly honor that freedom, we must allow or citizens to recognize their religion in whatever way they believe is necessary, and we all work around it.  But what if, by the same stroke, those who recognized Yom Kippur, for example, were told it was their “choice” to be Jewish, therefore they were not allowed a day off work to recognize the holiday?  That’s not equality.  You cannot claim to be equal if you are still being punished for what you are.

Equality does not mean “sameness.”  Equality does not mean trading off your feminine biology to become a pseudo man.  Equality means taking us for what we are; and that includes the accommodations that must be made to allow mothers to mother the next generation of people the best way possible.

But let’s take this in another direction.  Do you hear MEN typing around the blogosphere about how they should support all choices other men make?  When a man does something against nature and intelligent evidence, do you hear other men chiming in saying “Hey man, being a man is about choice!”  No, you don’t.  And you don’t hear them criticizing and undermining each other because of the very things that make them male.  In fact, anything that is inherently male is usually celebrated and protected.  They don’t tell each other they should cut off their manhood to be “equal” and sell that manhood to corporations and special interest groups to be “free” from their male-ness.  They’re not looking for an escape hatch.  And they’re not apologetic about what they are.  And most importantly, they don’t claim that civil equality requires them all to hold hands and agree with every choice every one of them makes.

If you want equality, then allow female brains to think critically and make sound judgments about issues facing our society – just like men have been doing, unapologetically, since the beginning of time.

You do what you want, and I’ll reserve the right to agree or disagree with it.  If what you’re doing is universally questionable, I’ll disagree loudly with it.  And at no point in time will I ever feel like I am under some obligation to support you because we share a chromosome.

My only obligation, as a card-carrying feminist, is to support and advocate for that which promotes gender equality.  That is all.

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*clearly I mean in normal, healthy situations. There are exceptions to everything in this universe.

Guess Who Else Had a Baby at 13?

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece

That's an article about a British boy who became a father at 13.  All I can say about that is that I too am a product of a 13 year old boy's sperm.  My dad was just 14 when I was born.  13 when I was concieved.  Ideal?  No.  A terrible tragedy?  I suppose that depends on how you feel about me.  I'm sure my husband and children are pretty glad I'm here.  Maybe you're not.

There are a lot of people on the comment threads saying that the parents should have forced the girl to have an abortion, and arguing about what kind of a life that baby could possibly have.

To these people, I ask, should I have been aborted? 

I have to thank "god/whoever" that my grandparents were good Catholics and Baptists who didn't believe in aborting a baby just because it might offend the neighbors.  We all know I'm pro-choice, but I really *shouldn't* be here by societal standards, and that is something I have to factor into my feelings about these issues.

So, a father at 13.  To that I say, "big effing deal."  It was happening in the 70's... I'm livin' proof of that. 

Denny's Ridiculous Fat-F*ck Manager and his Gross Violation of the Law

Do we all know now, about this incident?  A mother was asked to leave a Denny's because she was nursing. 

Can someone please explain to me why Denny's Corporate is not firing this jackass manager who thinks his company was within their rights to discriminate against this woman?  The N.C. law says:

N.C. Gen. Stat. § 14-190.9 (1993) states that a woman is allowed to breastfeed in any public or private location, and that she is not in violation of indecent exposure laws. (HB 1143)

This means it is AGAINST THE LAW to discriminate against her.  And who are these stupid effing asshole police that would misinterpret the law to mean ANYTHING other than what it states?

Oh my god, I would tear the heart out of any person who DARED discriminate against me on the basis of nursing in public.  Oh.. I just cannot wait for the day that some ignornat f*ck tries to say something about me nursing in public.  Actually, it wouldn't even need to be said to me... if it was said to another woman and I overheard it, oh holy jesus, that person would wish they'd never woken up that day.  Illinois has, not only a law that protects women from this discrimination, but ALSO an enforcement provision, which means I can sue the stupid shit out of you and your ignorant ass.  Thank you Gov. Blago, for at least that.

There's a Nurse-In scheduled at Denny's locations nationwide on Sunday, February 22nd (1pm).  Who's with me?

If you're unsure about where your state sits... look here.

*off to find a way to lower my blood pressure now...*

Consumer Reports says Natural Is Better

Finally, mainstream American seems to be getting hip to the natural childbirth movement.  Consumer Reports recently published a full article titled "Maternity Care: High Tech vs High Touch."

I am loving this article.  Consumer Reports is a respected, autonomous body, and if people actually read this, I could see it making a difference.

Back to basics for safer childbirth
Too many doctors and hospitals are overusing high-tech procedures

When it's time to bring a new baby into the world, there's a lot to be said for letting nature take the lead. The normal, hormone-driven changes in the body that naturally occur during delivery can optimize infant health and encourage the easy establishment and continuation of breastfeeding and mother-baby attachment. Childbirth without technical intervention can succeed in leading to a good outcome for mother and child, according to a new report. (Take our maternity-care quiz to test your knowledge.)

"Evidence-Based Maternity Care: What It Is and What It Can Achieve," co-authored by Carol Sakala and Maureen P. Corry of the nonprofit Childbirth Connection analyzed hundreds of the most recent studies and systematic reviews of maternity care. The 70-page report was issued collaboratively by Childbirth Connection, the Reforming States Group (a voluntary association of state-level health policymakers), and Milbank Memorial Fund, and released on Oct. 8, 2008.

Overuse of high-tech measures

The report found that, in the U.S., too many healthy women with low-risk pregnancies are being routinely subjected to high-tech or invasive interventions that should be reserved for higher-risk pregnancies. Such measures include:

• Inducing labor. The percentage of women whose labor was induced more than doubled between 1990 and 2005
• Use of epidural painkillers, which might cause adverse effects, including rapid fetal heart rate and poor performance on newborn assessment tests
• Delivery by Caesarean section, which is estimated to account for one-third of all U.S births in 2008, will far exceed the World Health Organization's recommended national rate of 5 to 10 percent
• Electronic fetal monitoring, unnecessarily adding to delivery costs
• Rupturing membranes ("breaking the waters"), intending to hasten onset of labor
• Episiotomy, which is often unnecessary

In fact, the current style of maternity care is so procedure-intensive that 6 of the 15 most common hospital procedures used in the entire U.S. are related to childbirth. Although most childbearing women in this country are healthy and at low risk for childbirth complications, national surveys reveal that essentially all women who give birth in U.S. hospitals have high rates of use of complex interventions, with risks of adverse effects.

The reasons for this overuse might have more to do with profit and liability issues than with optimal care, the report points out. Hospitals and care providers can increase their insurance reimbursements by administering costly high-tech interventions rather than just watching, waiting, and shepherding the natural process of childbirth.

Convenience for health care workers and patients might be another factor. Naturally occurring labor is not limited to typical working hours. Evidence also shows that a disproportionate amount of tech-driven interventions like Caesarean sections occur during weekday "business hours," rather than at night, on weekends, or on holidays.

Underuse of high-touch, noninvasive measures

Many practices that have been proven effective and do little to no harm are underused in today's maternity care for healthy low-risk women. They include:

• Prenatal vitamins
• Use of midwife or family physician
• Continuous presence of a companion for the mother during labor
• Upright and side-lying positions during labor and delivery, which are associated with less severe pain than lying down on one's back
• Vaginal birth (VBAC) for most women who have had a previous Caesarean section
• Early mother-baby skin-to-skin contact

The study suggests that those and other low-cost, beneficial practices are not routinely practiced for several reasons, including limited scope for economic gain, lack of national standards to measure providers' performance, and a medical tradition that doesn't prioritize the measurement of adverse effects, or take them into account.

Source: http://www.consumerreports.org/health/medical-conditions-treatments/pregnancy-childbirth/maternity-care/overview/maternity-care.htm

Fertility Treatments = High Risk Delivery?

Here's a question for you all.  Does conception by means of fertility treatments automatically label a pregnancy and delivery as "High Risk?"  I ask because I know someone desperately trying to concieve via IVF, and believes that her (hopeful) pregnancy will be high risk and that she will not qualify for a normal, vaginal delivery.

I have to say that I am no expert in the field of fertility treatments, or how they may translate into birth risk factors, but something doesn't sound right to me about that.  It seems to me that just because a woman needs some assistance with getting a pregnancy to occur, does not mean that pregnancy is doomed to be risky henceforce.  I suppose it may depend on the why the fertility treatments were necessitated to begin with.  This particular friend's treatments are for a failure to ovulate due to increase progesterone levels, and PCOS. 

Tell me, other natural birthy mamas, do fertility treatments rule out a homebirth?  Or even an unmedicated vaginal birth?  Are all IVF pregnancies "high risk?"

My Company and The Superbowl

My company has a commercial in the SuperBowl.  It's a good commercial too... made me laugh.  But the very first scene annoyed me.  It's a scene where a mother and father are in, what looks like an operating room, delivering a baby.  The doctor is masked, and the whole scene looks very similar to that Monty Python sketch.

Okay.... whatever.... American thinks that doctors always deliver babies in masks and in operating rooms.  I realize the natural birth movement is not mainstream yet.  But I wonder if there will be some hoopla from the hardcore home-birthing groups after the commercial airs?  People always analyze and analyze and analyze the SuperBowl commercials - and I'm sure ours will be no different.  But will the discussion go beyond "funny or not" to discuss the "doctor birthing" scene?  I wonder...

I guess I'll wait and see.  Still..... good commercial, even if it did use a cliche that annoys me.

Ridiculous Agenda-Pushing on "Private Practice"

I'm embarrassed to admit that I watch this show.  It stopped being watchable after the first few episodes.  I think it has become a habit, more than anything.  But I'm kicking this habit after tonight's episode.

So far this season we have seen "Dr. Montgomery" perform an unnecessary c-section for a breech baby which ultimately killed the mother, but she saw it as "saving the baby's life" -- and then ridiculously went on to say that she "created a miracle" that day.  I think she compared herself to God.  Yeah... cause killing the mom was no big deal.  This doctor is supposed to be the "best there is" -- but "the best there is" couldn't even deliver a breech baby the normal way?  Sounds like she's a pretty sucky OB if you ask me.

The agenda-pushing gets worse and worse, and more and more obvious with each episode.  Tonight was the absolute worst.

Now, first let me say... the one parenting issue that I am not "granola" about is vaccinations.  I have done the research, and I truly believe in vaccinations as life saving tools.  In fact, I do get upset when I hear about non-vaccinated children.  Last year when I was pregnant, there was a chicken pox outbreak at Jonas's daycare.  He was immunized, but I never had chicken pox and I was terrified that I wasn't immune to it.  Chicken pox can be fatal for fetuses.  It is not something a pregnant woman wants to get.  The results can be tragic.  If my fetus was killed because someone else chose not to vaccinate their child... jesus.... the horror.  When I think about what could have happened to this perfect 8 month old baby sleeping next to me... god, I just can't even imagine.  But as it turns out, I did have immunity.  I was safe.  I dodged that bullet.  But that proved to me how I felt about vaccinations.

However, what freaking pisses me off is that tonight's episode of stupid Private Practice was one big public service announcement about how dangerous it is not to vaccinate.  Yeah, I agree - so why does this piss me off?  Because the whole goddang episode was one big campaign thinly, and I mean thinly disguised as entertainment.  The characters on the show were actually saying that parents who don't vaccinate should have their kids taken away -- or be put in prison!  THEN, one of the doctors went ahead and vaccinated one of the children totally against the mother's wishes.  She was running over screaming "Stop, Stop!" but he big-fat did it anyway.  Do I smell a lawsuit?!?

I'm sick of this show trying to undermine informed parenting choices.  I don't agree with non-vaccination, but it is a choice that some parents make out of doing the what they feel is the absolute best for their child.  They are trying to protect them.   And you want to put them in prison, stupid writers of Private Practice?  Well screw you!

This show, and its agenda pushing, has totally crossed the line.  And please don't get me started on the episode of "Law and Order: SUV" a couple months ago that condemned breastfeeding.  Oh no... just don't get me started.  We'll be here all day.

Hey Stupid Writers: stick to entertaining, and quit trying to push your agendas on well-meaning parents!

"Feminists" don't like breastfeeding.

Lately, I've been thinking that I need to stop calling myself a "feminist" because the "feminists" I usually come across are so dangerously contradictory to everything I believe in regarding women's rights and equality.

Where are the "feminists" promoting safe childbirth and lactation education?  Where are the "feminists" promoting maternity leave benefits and better access to quality childcare?  Where are the feminists fighting for our reproductive rights BEYOND abortion?  WHERE ARE THEY??!?!  These are FEMINIST ISSUES.

• As seen on the IV board last year, "they" think it's okay for doctors to force brutal and unnecessary surgeries on you, risking your health and the health of your children.  Why?  Because women should have the "choice" to have dangerous c-sections.  Even if all the medical evidence in the world shows that this is dangerous as an elective procedure.

• "They" also think you should get your ass back to work as soon as you roll off the operating table.  No time should be spent raising your child.

• "They" think getting post-partum depression is a sign of weakness, and undermines "feminism."  Why?  Because if you're not tough enough, then don't have any kids.  In fact... don't have kids period.

• and "they" think that breastfeeding is stupid.... or at least.. the same as formula feeding.

As you can see.... I made my comments.  But they always fall on deaf ears.  The studies are there... the science is there... so what can I possible do?

I've got to find a different word because "feminism" is taking on some ugly connotations to me.  Or, I've got to find a few other "Feminists" like me and forge ahead.

(Reiza, I know you're with me)

If you think formula feeding isn't "that bad"...

...then you just plain don't know any better.

This is just a teeeeny, tiny bit of education (you know.. research, data, cold hard facts) about how dumb it is to formula feed when you don't have to.

Wake up ladies!  And settle in for a "tough love" rant about what you're really doing.

Yeah, yeah, I know the argument.  I too was formula fed, and here I am alive and well.  Maybe.  I mean, how can I know that my mother didn't subject me to some predisposition to cancer because she refused to breastfeed me?  I could be a ticking time bomb.  Cancer runs in my family... my family of people who were never breastfed, by the way.  Did you know that babies die every single year simply because they were not breastfed?  Do you know how many illnesses breastfed babies are protected from?  Do you know how much healthier breastfed babies are in the long run?

Do you know that some organizations like UNICEF killed a whole bunch of babies in Botswana by telling their HIV positive-mothers that they should formula-feed to avoid passing on the HIV?  Yeah... boy oh boy did that backfire.  The babies instead died in 20 times the numbers because of the other illnesses that breastfeeding would have protected them from.  And what "they" found out was that there was only a 5% chance of even passing HIV to a baby through breastmilk... even less if the mother was treated with a simple drug.

Those organizations have now changed their position, and discourage formula feeding.  It only took killing some kids for them to figure this out.  Those poor people.

And I'm really so sick and tired of people saying that "formula is not rat poison."  Okay, but you MUST know that it's not breastmilk either.  And Pepsi isn't rat poison, but I sure as shit am not feeding it to my baby.  That's an ignorant argument.  Show me some research that formula feeding somehow benefits a baby, then maybe we can have a dialogue about it, but you're not going to find that research.  Read the side of your can of formula. It TELLS you that you should be breastfeeding. 

So why are people so quick to defend formula feeding?  Heck... when I formula fed my first son I felt shameful.  I surely wasn't defending it.  I was a lactivist even then.  I knew breast was better - I just didn't have the support the first time around to make it through the tough times.  When Jonas was 4 months old, I wrote a letter to a Chicago radio-personality who said something on the air about breastfeeding in public being "illegal" in some states (which it freaking isn't, but he still refused to issue a correction because he said he was only reading what he was told to read, as though that makes it better... coward!)

Now... there are some ladies I love who chose to formula feed, and I certainly don't want to make anyone feel bad.  But this is just something that I have to share.  I believe babies deserve to be breastfed.  They deserve our best... no matter how hard it may be.  It's what we signed up for.

I urge those who feel like they can't do it; please, get support.  Make it work.  Your baby deserves their mama's liquid gold.

**Rant over.  Exhale. **

____________________

**edited for spelling; you konw how sometimes it's late, and words just don't look right to you?  I think they call that dyslexia.