What Am I Going to Do with These Boys?

There are days where my only function as a mother is to keep these boys alive.  Forget teaching them cool new tricks like reading or potty training, or making sure they grow up to be good people.  Some days all it takes to be a good mom is making sure they’re still breathing by bedtime.

Today was one of those days. I swear they were both on a suicide mission.  The day started out fairly uneventful.  We were actually having a nice little Saturday.  We did some landscaping, and swam in the new pool.  Everyone had naps on time and everyone was in a good mood.  But at 5 pm, trouble started.  We decided to run out to pick up some things for grilling, and that trip turned into a trip to the E.R. instead.
 
We have a leather rocker recliner that the boys insist on jumping on.  This particular piece of furniture is calamity-in-waiting for two reasons:  the leather makes it slippery, and the rocking part acts as a virtual catapult.

John realized today that Julesy could climb up on this recliner all by himself now, so he put another chair on top to keep him off.  That worked all day, right up until we were about to walk out of the house.  As we were rushing around trying to get everyones' shoes on, Julesy moved the chair, and climbed up to the recliner.  Right as we spotted him and started to run over, he threw himself head-first over the back of it and landed smack on the back of his head, directly onto the metal grate below no less.  I’ve never heard him scream that loud.  Seeing it happen will probably give me nightmares for months.

I decided that type of fall warranted a trip to the ER, which resulted in an hour-and-a-half long visit that ended abruptly with the doctor taking about a 10-second look at him and saying he was fine.  Awesome.  That’s probably $2,000 down the drain – but I don’t care, at least we played it safe.  After the Natasha Richardson incident, I'll never look at head trauma the same way again.  The doc did say at least explain what types of head injuries would warrant some concern (e.g. collisions with speed beind them, or with force, or from heights above 6" feet.)

So we come home and start making dinner outside on the grill.  The boys are playing with their toys while I’m walking around picking up the mess from the day.  One minute the boys are standing by the gate – the gate, which up until this moment in time they have never been able to open – and the next second I see the gate open and no boys.

*HEART ATTACK*

So I run the gate and turn the corner, and the two boys are just standing there in the alley like “What’s up mom?”

Yeah – what’s up – other than the fact that they could have been run over by a car flying through that alley.  Or they could have been kidnapped, or gawd knows what.  (I realize that our quiet neighborhood is not crawling with kidnappers, but my ten years spent living downtown Chicago have made me as cautious and paranoid as a human can be.)  Now, they couldn’t have been out there for any more than five or six seconds, but it was enough to give me a stroke, I swear.  I do not like my children being out of my sight.  I suppose both of these incidents might have been avoided with me keeping a constant eye on my children, but sometimes that is just not possible. That's what baby-proofing is for, and we do our best.

So now they are both clean, and safe, and snoozing away in their beds.  In a couple hours, I’ll go wake up Julesy to make sure we’re in the clear from the fall today (as recommended by the hospital discharge papers.)

I may not have potty trained anyone, or taught anyone to read.  But today it was all I could do to just keep them ticking, and I guess sometimes that really is the point of it all.

These kids will probably kill me before they hurt themselves.  I don't remember signing up for this part of motherhood.  Perhaps it's in the fine print. *sigh*

Comments

[Naomi Dwyer]

Really...keeping them alive (and knowing where they are) is a big deal in my day too. There was a few days where my 4 year old would open up the front door or the back gate and let the 1 1/2 yr old out to the main street road in our town..we live right up to the road so if he would of gotten out all the way it could of been real bad!!!!!! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHH

[Amber]

If you keep them alive, you've done your job. The rest is up to them, I say. They can learn to read or become Nobel Laureates on their own. And you can know that the fact they're alive to do that is all due to you.

It sounds like you had a rough day of it. I hope that today goes a little easier on you. :)

[Cate]

I don't believe in gender stereotypes (or didn't when I was simply a Women's Studies minor instead of a mom of two boys), but WTF is up with boys. Sure, I know girls who are dead set on impalement. And my sister and I fought like cats and dogs--not only with each other, but with any bully who got in our way.
But since I gave birth to two creatures who happen to have genitalia different from mine, it's like I'm the death police! (No, you cannot reach into the wood stove. Or run with scissors. Or do anything that might be remotely fun or knife-and-fire-related.) God help us all.

[michele]

Glad everyone is okay! I am just waiting for the day we take Mason for his first trip to the ER.

[Breeder Mama]

Ah, why is that just when you think everything is going along fine you end up in the emergency room.... oh yes, that would be because you have children.

My second boy is only 13 months old and has already given me as many heartattacks as his 7 year old brother. Some days I seriously consider putting him in a helmet and wrapping his midsection in bubble wrap.